Love Love Love

Love Love Love

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Day Seventeen and Eighteen of my Challenge

The last two days of my challenge have been pretty awesome. I'm finding more flexibility on my mat, I am sleeping hard and not needing a nap with the babies during the day, Repose has been giving me the boost I need in the afternoon, everything seems a little calmer around me.

That being said last night I had a bit of a nightmare. First let me start by telling you I'm a vivid dreamer and have even accomplished a bit of lucid dreaming (taking control of dreams and consciously directing them, but that is rare). Dreams have hidden messages and usually have a way of showing us what needs to addressed in our world. Personally I have learnt great insights from them.

In last nights dream I was being held captive along with my children, there was no husband acknowledged in this dream. The children were to be released to my mother but I had to say good bye to them knowing I would be killed. I was crying but trying desperately not to alarm the kids, I was telling my son to be good to his sister and to always look out for her and take care of her. When the children were safe with my Mother I made my escape I could here my mother saying "I told you to stay put help is coming." Explaining to her "When there is an opportunity you have to take it and I can't wait hoping someone will save me," I ran with ease in and out of buildings, up and down stairs, through the night and into a foggy morning, I found myself at the beach. The 'bad guys' were still chasing me but I found a place to hide. I was scared but deep down I knew I was safe. They weren't going to be able to take me away, soon the sun would be out and I'd be reunited with my children, I laid hidden under blankets and tarps and just kept picturing my kids running towards me arms open, I could feel the joy the moment would bring.

When I woke this morning I held my sleeping babies and cried a little, the feeling of being kept apart from them was still a little raw, my husband bundled us all in his arms like a safe haven. The dream interprets itself I think and as I shared it the deep realization that its only my own lack of presence that keeps me from enjoying every single moment with these precious starseeds.


Ultimately that is what this challenge means to me. I want more presence in my world, presence equals vitality, equals time, equals love.


Friday, November 28, 2014

Day Sixteen of my Challenge -


I am starting to feel a lot better, physically at least! I found another nice restorative yoga session online which seemed to bring some prana (life force) back to my body. I also did a meditation to OM being chanted this morning. It is one of my favorite pieces of sacred music to listen to, I find it so grounding and uplifting at the same time. OM is believed to be the divine vibration that started the earth (my Christian friends think of "let their be light") it said that we all, everything on Earth vibrates at the frequency of OM. The recorded healing properties associated with this auspicious chant are countless. I can't help but think what took me me so long to get back to it?

Along with some very nice words of encouragement from a number of you, a dear childhood friend sent me a link to this song with a note "this song always makes me think of you. Not sure if it's because you're one of the strongest and bravest people I know or if I imagine you saying this to me...wither way I wanted to share."





The kids and I have been listening to it all day, I think it has become a sort of anthem for my life and this challenge. It is taking courage to continue with this challenge, there are days I'd prefer to just crawl into a hole and hide but there is no turning back now and I'm grateful I've made myself accountable to you, its partly what keeps me going. Being accountable combined with the tastes of pure bliss and knowing the vitality I am capable of. Longing for the place of pure love we are made of, our natural state, and I personally will stop at nothing to achieve it again.

Sometimes we have to dissolve into the darkness, nothingness, sometimes our hearts have to break over and over again to let the light in, sometimes we have to get sick to appreciate our health. The beauty is rejoicing in the human-ness of it all.

But mostly we need to remember how big our brave is!

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Day Thirteen through Fifteen of my Challenge

I haven't posted in three days because I haven't been feeling great, I came down with a nasty cough and cold. I did manage to lay in corpse pose and even got my feet up the wall, I'm going to count it as Yoga since it was even hard to accomplish Repose. All I wanted to do was curl up in fetal position and had to literally force myself to lay on my back with my arms and legs open, it was actually painful!

I'm not surprised that I've gotten sick during this challenge, my family here says its from the change in weather which I'm sure has played its part but the reality is this challenge can be exhausting. Its a fight with the ego, some say that is the bloodiest war any human can engage in. In order to get to the truth we must break down the walls ego has built around us and listen to the whisper of our heart. Facing ones soul is not the easiest task to undertake.

I find myself often head swirling caught up in a web of confusion, trying to decipher what is truth and what is fiction. Telling myself to simply be and let it unfold around me but anyone who has ever attempted this work will understand that is not always easy. I continue to drum up not so pleasant experiences and can't for a life of me understand why these manifestations of ugliness persist and at what point I will be able to find the warmth of inner peace even when the winds blow cold and hard against me.

See that is it one of the key lessons for me thus far; it is so easy to be Shanti when everyone around me is happy but as soon as the wind picks up and energies around me become agitated I begin to feed off of them and all footing is lost.

Remaining rooted during a hurricane is how the tree survives but trying to find time or ways to ground myself while nursing a cold and taking care of toddlers is a bit more than this Intercultural Mama has time for. My hubby holds me in his arms at night wincing with each coughing fit, holding me tighter as my body shivers despite the fever but in the morning like most stay at home moms from any country the household work needs a doin'. It seems like the more I ask for help the less help I receive and not out of anything other than divine intervention. Hubby will get a phone call from someone and have to leave immediately for a work related situation, which means I'm on my own. Two toddlers, also fighting the same bug I have, who need to be bathed, fed, entertained and cuddled. They would lay down for their nap and I'd crawl onto the bed laying my head on the pillow sleep just about to set in when someone would bang on my door for whatever reason. I'd deal with what needed to be dealt with and join the babies again to have the phone ring, it was ongoing.

I'd lay down and ponder the lesson I was to learn from this illness which of course kept me in cycle of thought which is not where rest exists, urg! This challenge and growing consciousness is not easy indeed. But at some point I have to stop trying to figure it all out, stop trying to make sense of anything and trust, trust that even with all my aches and pains it is so worth it!









Sunday, November 23, 2014

Day Twelve of my Challenge - Feeling picked on



I can sometimes feel picked on living here in India, it actually seems to a theme among masala bloggers of late. Masala refers to those of us who are not from India but married to Indians, Masala translates to "blend of spices" and I have recently connected with an entire community online, it has been a blessing being able to share with these beautiful ladies. The majority live in their home countries but still face inter cultural struggles and parenting issues, its nice to have these women to share experiences and garner advice from.

One of my dear friends Madh Mama described her experience "It is hard when people constantly pick you apart and talk about you when you're right in front of them. When they comment on your dress, appearance, your movements, what you're eating, and your facial expressions. At times, I feel as if I'm the lone fish in an aquarium."  

It is the Indian way, they do it to one another and they really take pleasure in doing it to a Westerner, they don't mean harm by it, it's just in their nature. After years of this bothering me this week, because of this challenge, I've been able to witness words more instead of allowing them to get under my skin. If the words are being said to me they are a reflection of a belief I still hold, my lack of self worth being vocalized so I may continue to build esteem. I once read, and I'm paraphrasing, that you must believe in yourself so strongly that if someone says something to you that could be perceived as negative, you would look at them like they were crazy and you'd have absolutely no idea what was coming out of their mouth because it wasn't true.

Every comment in the last few years has felt like an attack, that somehow I'm not enough. Nobody has ever said that to me but my ego would love to have me believe it. Most self esteem issues begin in childhood during development, at some point we begin to compare ourselves to everyone and everything we see around us, so many factors come into play and I'm not sure at what point my self worth leveled off or sunk but I feel so grateful for all of these lessons in light during this challenge. The awakening in my mind, the opening in my heart and shift in my soul is tangible.

I'm giving some thought to this and would love to know what you would say!



Saturday, November 22, 2014

Day Eleven of my Challenge - As promised more on one of my favorite Festivals we celebrated

After pondering yesterdays blog I think I've come to the conclusion that the universe delivers us situations based on our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and life. One can say "fate" delivers us opportunities, what we do with these chances that are offered determines our destiny. Which is always changing depending on our choices, our thoughts and our actions (or sometimes non action.)

So yes God has us exactly where we are supposed to be, surrounded by the people and circumstances that will give us the deepest reflection of our truth. The more we resist what is the longer it will stick around (good or bad). We must learn to accept what is, knowing it is for our highest good (which like a loving parent is the only thing the all loving universe wanst for us) so really it is about surrendering to what is so we can manifest what will be!

As promised I will tell you about one of my favorite Indian Festivals we celebrated a few weeks ago, it's called Bhaiya Dooj (or Bhai Doj)


"Nowhere is the bond of brotherly-sisterly love glorified with such grandeur as in India"

Sisters visit their brothers home and in a ceremony they put an auspicious mark called a tilak on the forehead of their brother, this is a mark of love and protection, they then perform aarti of him (a worship) by lighting sacred fire also known as holy flame, then they give their brothers a coconut which is considered God's Fruit. Sisters in turn are lavished with gifts and blessings from their brothers

My husband has two sisters both of which came and spent the day at our home. My son has six sisters and my daughter nine brothers, it made for a wonderful day filled with laughter and love.







These are some of the sweetest pictures of my children during the ceremonies.













My absolute favorite photo is this one of my son touching the feet of my daughter asking for blessings


There are few more festivals we celebrated that I will discuss further in future blogs for now I must Repose...







Friday, November 21, 2014

Day Ten of my Challenge ~ everything and everyone around us is a direct reflection of ourselves


It is taught by many spiritual teachers that everything and everyone around us is a direct reflection of ourselves. Those negative people in our world that are making us crazy are in some way a part of our own inner turmoil. This was a rude awakening for me, I feel as though I've been dealing with more negativity coming at me than ever in my life over the last few months, and to ascertain that it was somehow me, well that was a hard pill to swallow, before this challenge that is.

If someone says something to you that you perceive as negative or hurtful than there is some part of you that believes their words to be true, according to the teachings of Bashar. Negative people are simply your own lack of self worth being reflected back to you, and they can be seen as a gift instead of a frustration. They show you where you still need to let the light in, where you still need to heal.

Looking at from that perspective has allowed me to be far less reactive to these negative situations and confrontations. In fact it has allowed me to make leaps and bounds in my own quest for inner peace.


And it appears the work is paying off, today everyone around me seemed to be in a wonderful mood. Hubby woke up laughing and dancing around our room with the children, he even took our daughter for the morning after dropping our son off at school so I could have some time to myself! I spent over an hour on my yoga mat doing a Restorative practice I found online. The kids seemed to laugh through the entire day and I found myself with far more patience and a much lighter heart.

During my Repose/meditation sessions I pondered two opposing lessons I've been receiving firstly that God (universe, source...) has us exactly where we are supposed to be. The second is that we are the only ones responsible for manifesting our reality as we know it. That our thoughts and our thoughts alone have created the world we live in.

I'd love your opinions on this.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Day Nine of my Challenge ~ when you don't listen to the signs sometimes the universe makes you listen!

My toe isn't broken but it's black and blue and hurts when moved in certain directions, which ultimately has changed the way I am approaching my yoga mat.

I talked about messages all around us the other day and this is exactly what happens when you don't pay attention! I have randomly been told by various friends and Yogis to go gentle on myself. I have been tagged in posts on social media sights about the importance of being gentle with oneself yet I wasn't listening. I didn't see how it related to me. I never felt I was pushing myself but obviously the universe did, so here I am, looking at my throbbing toe and finally listening.

Fortunately Repose does not require manipulation of the foot in any way, yoga is a different story. Like I said yesterday it's going to take a lot more than an injury to keep me sidelined; Restorative Yoga, Gentle Yoga, Yin Yoga are all similar in nature and obviously where I need to be while on my mat. Today's practice was a half an hour of "feet up the wall."



Did you know spending five minutes in this position is equivalent to a twenty minute nap? The entire practice was amazingly relaxing and rejuvenating but still I admit an hour later I began to feel blah again.




I honored my feeling of lackluster and decided to take a nap with the kids this afternoon, I awoke once again to "The Spider" hanging from my wall. As always my instincts took over and I jumped to my feet (I'm not sure what I would have done if I caught it considering I had nothing in my hands) for those of you who have followed my blog you know she only appears as a message and as my eyes come into full focus she vanishes.

Connection to feminine energy, patience and the weaving of your own destiny, this is the spiders core message, perhaps its time to start manifesting instead of just reflecting...

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Wednesdays Wisdom coincides with Day Eight of my Challenge


So today was not a great day, I was just about to get on my yoga mat when hubby came home (at a time he is never home) I became agitated but caught myself rather quickly realizing he didn't do it to anger me.

It got me to thinking very rarely do things happen to us. Things happen yes, we are involved yes but it's only our ego that makes it about us. We can be in control of our perception if we choose to be. Instead of saying "Why Me?" which was my initial reaction I chose to believe that everything was exactly as it should be and although I would never consider myself a control freak, I like most of us, like things to go as planned. My intention was to get on my mat at that moment but when hubby walked through the door everything shifted. I understood I was frustrated because I was no longer in control, I mean yes I could have still done yoga but I don't like an audience. Being able to just flow with it is a core teaching of Yoga. And perhaps this is exactly where my lack of flexibility on the mat, which always surprises me, stems from. I'm not as flexible in life as I'd like to think I am.

Wednesdays Wisdom my friends...





You may be saying well that doesn't sound like so bad of a day and really it wasn't but I should mention the kicker...I think I broke my toe! But don't count this girl out, restorative yoga exists for a reason and this chick isn't giving up that easy!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Day seven ~ Messages are everywhere if we just learn to pay attention

"Loneliness is not the experience of what one lacks, but rather the experience of what one is. In a culture deeply entrenched in the rhetoric of autonomy and rights, the song of God's lonely man so often goes unvoiced and unheeded. It is ironic how much of our freedom we expend on power - on conquering death, disease and decay, all the while concealing from each other our carefully buried loneliness, which if shared would deepen our understanding of each other" ~ from The Philosophical Society

I'm sticking with the loneliness topic today because it is at the core of what I am and have been experiencing for many years and I think misunderstood by so many of you who sent me beautiful words of encouragement. My loneliness stems from something much deeper than a lack of social interactions.

A year or so ago I had a psychic recognize I was feeling lonely, she claimed the loneliness wasn't what I thought, it had nothing to do with people or where I was on this earth that it had to do with missing the realm from which I came. It brought tears to my eyes when she said it, my soul knew it as truth and my body had a physical reaction.

There has been so much written about this loneliness that those of us brave enough to set out on the spiritual path encounter. It usually starts as a feeling of not being fulfilled even when involved in the most loving of relationships. This is because it cannot be resolved by another person! This loneliness is part of the spiritual healing journey, the journey which takes us inside, back to our core, home to our truth. Which is exactly what this challenge is all about.

On another topic I wanted to share with you about receiving messages from animals. I've worked with animal energy for some time, I've known from a very early age animals have important messages for us, this became even more obvious for me once I began spending time with some Shaman and Native friends. If you see, hear, dream of or randomly think about an animal chances are it's trying to give you a message. My rule of thumb was always three, for instance say I'm checking my facebook feed and someone has posted a picture of a Shark. Then later that day Discovery Channel has a shark program on and then the next morning I'm dressing my son and he insists on wearing his "shark shirt" ding ding ding, its time to pay attention.

I'm normally pretty good at picking up the signals but today I realized Tiger energy has been trying to get my attention for a couple of weeks now.

It should have been obvious my son has even been pointing out all of the tigers in our world from Jagran with Goddess Durga to drives in our Holy town when he squealed in delight "tiger Mommy tiger which happened to be Durga once again,

 

There have been numerous movies with Tigers, an awful death at a Delhi zoo that involved a Tiger and even my kids favorite bed time story these days has a Tiger in it. Finally today I was like "duh Tigers" in fact my first shamanic journey to meet my spirit animal I was shocked and in awe when a Tigers image approached.





"In the kingdom of spirit animal, the tiger puts a special emphasis on raw feelings and emotions. The tiger symbolizes primal instincts, unpredictability and ability to trust yourself...it also means that you're overcoming fears and learning how to deal with strong emotions that once felt threatening but are becoming more and more manageable...the dark side of the tiger spirit animal is aggression...keep an eye on possible causes of fear, anger or deep frustration that seem to be escaping your conscious control." The Tigers message also includes a reminder "that persistence is what is necessary in order to attain your goals. Be patient, use tried and true methods, repeat them as necessary, use determination to get there. You will succeed..."

Messages are everywhere if we just learn to pay attention and once again I feel enlivened by the ones I'm receiving. Everything I'm feeling and experiencing is part of this process and to be expected and worked through. I know I'm on the right path and the universe keeps assuring me of this  .




Monday, November 17, 2014

Day Six of my Challenge ~ if you haven't cried on your yoga mat you're not doing it right

Well I slept through the night for the first time in over three years, not only did both kids bless me by not waking one time but I actually slept in until six thirty, I was shocked when I arose and looked at the clock.

I also have more energy today than I've had in a long time. Normally I tackle one cleaning project a day i.e. Monday I wash the floors and walls and clean all the ledges, Tuesday I tackle the bathroom... today not only did I cook and get the kids bathed and my son off to school as per norm, I did the three of my major cleaning projects all before my first cup of chai!

I still got a little cranky this afternoon but not nearly as intense, and the anxiety seems to have subsided now that I'm choosing to feel it more as an excitement over what is about to be unveiled. However I felt something different today as I laid in Repose, a deep rooted sadness, a feeling of pure loneliness, something I'm finally ready to admit I feel quite often. I'd like to blame it on India and the fact that I do not have one single friend in my Holy town but in truth it doesn't matter where I am in this world, I am often accompanied by this sadness.

I believe that God (the universe, source, insert your own label here) has me exactly where I am supposed to be so I can learn the most valuable truths, in this case if you can't be happy alone, with no one or no thing to distract you than you will truly never be happy. More importantly you must become your own best friend, learn to enjoy your own company which I thought I had accomplished. I love spending time in nature alone, going for walks, sitting near a body of water, shopping but all of those things are distraction in a way (yes they can certainly be rejuvenating as well) but right now there is just me, no where to go and no one to go do it with and it's powerful!

I know at least one of my soul contracts is discovering my self worth and that can only come from inside me, I am the only thing that has been and will be constant in this life, everything else is transient. Everything. The lesson I know is I'm truly never alone when I'm connected to my higher self, my authentic truth.


Today I have felt raw. When we begin to calm the mind hidden emotions often arise. Once again I waited until the kids were in bed to do Yoga and tears flowed on my yoga mat, there is a saying if you haven't cried on your yoga mat you're not doing it right. That may sound sad but it is therapeutic, like when I child has a big cry over something then is completely fine because they let out their true raw emotions, they don't bottle one ounce of it. So I allowed myself, without judgement or the need to figure out why I was crying, to sob.

It was blissful like giving myself a BIG hug which a dear friend and Yoga teacher has all of her students do in class and I'm grateful to have remembered her teaching this evening, at the end of my practice I wrapped my arms around myself. Now as I sit writing this I feel slightly more connected, more rooted, my mood is lifting but I'm ready to continue to ride the ebbs and flows...











Sunday, November 16, 2014

Day Five of my Challenge - Heart palpitations and anxiety...I'm on the right path!


I awoke this morning with heart palpitations and I haven't really been able to shift this feeling of anxiety all day, Anxiety is not an uncommon presence in my world, for decades I have occasionally been confronted with the uneasiness associated with anxiety disorder, I have never medicated, I've always known on some level what the cause was i.e. unhappy at work, but this time the truth eludes me.

My cranky pants are still off (Yay) but there is the late afternoon/early evening "Oh My God somebody let me breath" but I'm so aware of its onset now I can catch it and Repose before it gets to out of control. The kids are getting a little more used to my 'Potent Pause' time, I tell them "Mommy needs five minutes!" If that doesn't work I resort to bribery "please give Mommy this time and then we can play whatever you want." or "I'll give you candy"





And if that doesn't work there is always the Mom I said I would never be, stick em in front of the TV or in my children's case the computer, they have no interest in the TV but put on YouTube and they'll sit there mesmerized for an hour, that is if I'm working around them but if I sit to talk on the phone or sip a cup of chai well that's a whole other story that every mother knows about :-) But today my friends they went outside and played giving me the time I needed so I didn't become Franken(stein)Mom. Can I get an Amen, or my town a HariBol!






I'm not sure what the anxiety is trying to communicate, obviously I still have a long way to go with this challenge. I guess I'm more disconnected from my higher self than I realized. So I'm embracing the anxiety with the understanding that it is a gateway. A gateway to a part of me that needs to be heard in order to achieve the balance within I am seeking, which is the primary reason I began this challenge, which actually leads me to believe I'm making headway. Is it possible to shift anxiety into excitement?


Saturday, November 15, 2014

Day Four of my Challenge ~ talking to the drunken monkeys

Day four has arrived and the cranky pants feel more like comfy yoga pants today. The only thing that has created tension for me throughout the day are my wonderful allergies! We moved into our new space within our joint family home nearly two months ago, this means I no longer share a kitchen with my mother in law or a bathroom with a number of family members and visitors on any given day. It's a move I've been looking forward to for a VERY long time and as much as I LOVE my new space it appears I'm allergic to something in the room,

I've had allergy like symptoms pretty much every day since the move. The problem is I have no known allergies, excepts cats and there are no cats in my room!? Thankfully nobody else seems to be afflicted. I am working with an Ayurvedic doctor but he doesn't actually do treatments, he just continues to give me herbal medicine and puts restraints on my diet but I'm not finding any relief. In the past I've had huge success with Ayurveda but it has always involved treatments of some kind so I'm praying for someone in this town to appear with the cure!

The spiritual side of me knows there is something going on that needs to resolved in order to alleviate the symptoms but for the life of me I don't know what that is. Its hard to remain in a good mood when they are flared anybody who has every suffered with allergies can understand, the constant drip and itchy eyes and nose is exhausting. Today was the worst they've been and the last thing I wanted to do was get on my yoga mat but then hubby treated me to a wonderful surprise; he took the kids this evening so I could recharge and catch my breath, literally. He even told me not to prepare anything for dinner he'd bring something from our favorite restaurant!

It has been a little piece of bliss, a much needed break. I was able to get on my mat and I wasn't a toddler jungle gym for once, it was heavenly. I forgot how truly into yourself you can get with a yoga practice I've been so used to having a bit of a distraction, either kids crawling all over me or if I wait for their nap fear that the babies will wake up before I finish. But today there was just me, my mat, my breath and of course the drunken moneys clamouring in my head for attention.



Today I was able to take time to give the anger (monkey) I've been feeling a voice. I discovered anger rears its ugly head out of frustration. I love my kids but two toddlers is exhausting, in Canada my Mom, Grandmother or my Bestie would gladly keep my kids occupied for an hour so I could breath but its just not the way in Indian culture, the mother is expected to do it all, without complaint, But I'm now understanding if I don't get/take time for me I'm no good to them and I think hubby is starting to understand this too.

I am in deep gratitude for this moment and the truth is I'm starting to miss them, what a beautiful feeling.



Friday, November 14, 2014

Day Three of my Challenge




Still cranky as heck, I think I lived in Repose today, any and every opportunity I could find I laid on my back with my arms and legs outstretched and thank God for it, I actually caught my breath, slightly anyway.

My mind won't stop swirling, a hundred different thoughts at once. It is a symptom of what's known as Monkey Mind. I know Repose is not about meditation but I am choosing to use it as such. I have to, there is no other time in the day for just me. So this potent pause has already been a gift showing me that my mind needs fixin' and now when I go into Repose there is no pressure to meditate or zone out but I try to simply become aware of where my mind is and allow it to run through it's various thoughts without trying to control or hold on to any of them. It is also assisting me with my yoga challenge I'm using it as a tool to check in with my body and see where I'm holding tension . And like I said today it saved me, and my loved ones. But the reality is I want to get to the source of why I'm reacting to everything the way I am because in truth I don't even know why I'm cranky and that is making me crankier!





Thursday, November 13, 2014

Day two of my Challenge


I am actually shocked by how cranky I am. Maybe I'm just more aware of it because of this challenge, I suppose it's a good thing, consciousness usually brings change, I just find it hard to believe I have been described as "annoyingly optimistic." I guess if you put me in a room with a dozen other folks I'd come across as one of the more positive people and sure the glass if half full but seriously today who wants to drink the rest of that crap?


 


So I'm accepting the fact that I'm a foul mood, I know it will pass, it better pass. In an effort to find some clarity as the day ends I turned to my last seven minutes of Repose for the day and searched for five thing I am grateful for:

1. Repose - the only place today I felt comfortable in my own body
2. My yoga mat, the session was ab pilates based and I was pissed during it but can admit now that I feel stronger through my core
3. Random kisses from my lovebugs, I think they understood mommy needed the extra lovin today
4. Sleep is around the corner
5. The countdown is on until my Mother arrives!


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Wednesdays Wisdom coincides with Day One of my challenge


Day one of my challenge coincides with Wednesdays Wisdom and both came to fruition on my mat this morning. I awoke with a sense of eagerness today. I'm excited about this challenge and curious to see where it will lead me.

You would think living in India I would have access to any number of Yoga classes but in my quaint little Holy Town would you believe not one! Its true, why do you think I'm so eager for my Spiritual Guesthouse to be completed so I can lure all of my Yogi friends here.

When I first came to India my trip started with a thirty day yoga retreat, I was so thrilled and chatted with friends and teachers in Yoga classes imagining what kind of shape I'd be in when I returned to the west. Silly girl, I was on my mat once, only one Asana (physical) practice, the rest of my yoga training was internal (and beautiful I may add). Later during that same trip I was travelling by train when a true Indian Yogi shared my compartment, he told me all that was needed was twenty minutes a day on my mat, and reconfirmed Yoga was a way of life and not about being bendy.

As if by divine intervention, which is often the case when I set my intention for anything that is in accord with my higher self, I logged on to youtube and "recommended for you" was a thirty day yoga challenge and her classes are between ten and twenty minutes long. Now yes I wish I had an hour or more to spend on my mat each and every day but I'm working with what I have and not making any more excuses. There will be days I can do more and days when this is all time allows for and I am grateful for all of it.

The first class was all about opening the hips which I know from experience tend to store our emotions, I had tight hips before ever coming to Yoga and had been working through them regularly, Louise L Hay in her book "You Can Heal Your Life" claims discomfort or issues in the hips is directly related to "a fear of moving forward." Something I pondered each time I lay in Repose throughout the day.

I had been making progress in the hip region before I made the decision to move to India, those of you who have followed my blog know that I was married and pregnant very quickly after coming to live here in my sacred town. My pregnancy became high risk and my hips did everything but lock up as I fought to keep my son inside long enough to survive his birth, he arrived at thirty one weeks, that was three years ago and he continues to be strong and healthy, I was pregnant for my daughter when my son was only seven months old, so my hips once again went into protective mode and they've yet to relax!



Needless to say hip openers are a gift to this stiff ol body of mine. While laying in pigeon pose,

*note there are many variations of this posture but the sequence I was led through is outlined by this photo


I was treated to an intoxicating aroma coming off of my mat. My mat is not new, actually it is about six years old and I have never noticed this scent before. Then I remembered a class I once took about communicating with Angels and Fairies and in this class she spoke of different psychic abilities which are often directly related to communication with other realms. We know of Clairvoyance but there is also Clairalience which is the psychic sense of smelling. I'm not saying I'm psychic I'm sharing this information because often when I'm on to something important for my authentic truth a beautiful fragrance will accompany it. 

And while laying enjoying the intoxicating aroma Wednesdays Wisdom came to mind...








Tuesday, November 11, 2014

my challenge


I know I said I'd blog more about the Hindu festivals we just celebrated and I will but I am so pumped about embarking upon a challenge I couldn't wait another day to share my news with you.

I haven't been feeling good for sometime now, if you've been following my blog you know I attempted a year long Happiness Project at the start of the new year but since returning to India it has fallen to the way side. Its been a harder adjustment this time around, but that is a whole other blog! I do look over my notes and past posts as a reminder regularly and attempt to keep up with the things that make my heart smile but still there is a restlessness with me,beyond that there is actually an anger and longing inside of me. I've tried to figure out what I'm angry about but it has no logical reason that I can find, it just stirs and is volatile and I don't like who I become when it rears its ugly head.

I've learned to accept emotions but I do not choose to ride them, I refuse to sit around feeling sorry for myself but some days I just want to crawl into a hole so my only option is to get to the source, the truth. Fighting feelings has not worked in defusing them so in an attempt to ground myself and ride out the storm of negative thoughts directed both inwards and outwards I am embarking on this challenge.

More importantly I don't want my children to grow up with a stressed out Mom, especially when I can't think of one reason to be stressed in my life. My life is pretty laid back on so many levels as far as "nothing to do" goes. I live in a culture that places little to no stress on time, I'm married to a wonderful man who's motto is "tension is for giving not taking" in other words don't stress about anything leave it for others. My life is pretty relaxed, each day brings what it will without much effort or planning, yet for some reason I am resistant to it all.

I get cranky daily around the same time and have tried everything from taking naps, changing food habits to playing soothing music yet I find myself yelling and pulling my hair out by late afternoon/early evening. I keep telling myself somethings gotta give, if only someone would take the kids for an hour, if only there was more to do in my small town, if only someone could help me figure this out...if only..if only. Today that all changes!



No one can save me but me, I've always known this and taught it to my clients but lately I've lost touch with being my own hero and I've been blaming others and my circumstances for my uneasiness. The first time I ever traveled to India I left after three months a deeper more peaceful version of myself. Shanti is the Hindi word for peaceful and I want that shanti me back! My life has changed dramatically since that first trip seven years ago and I've also slipped away from the very things that helped to bring that inner peace, with two small children I don't have the ability to live the way I once did but there are a few simple things I can do.

So today my friends I am committing back to me. For the sake of all those I love.



I'm starting with two initiatives the first is a thirty day "Repose" challenge, It is a book written by dear friends of mine that offers a simple technique of laying outstretched as shown in this photo three times a day for seven minutes each in what is referred to as a Potent Pause. It is a receptive opening of the body that is said to relieve stress, aches and pains and increase energy, its free and easy so totally worth a try!






My second challenge to get back to yoga, this will be a much larger challenge then a mere Thirty days in fact it will last the better part of a year since I will explore the entire eight limbs of yoga as per the original teachings of Pantanjali the grandfather and first teacher of yoga. Asana, Hatha or what we know in the west as getting on our mat is the physical practice but what most don't realize is it's but a small fraction of Yoga.



I will blog as often as possible about the experience I hope you tune in regularly I'd love to have you along for this adventure...



Sunday, November 9, 2014

Diwali the Indian Christmas?


We just celebrated a few major Hindu Festivals here in my family home, Diwali which was a two day festival, choti (small) Diwali followed by Diwali. It has been described as the Indian Christmas and although I have celebrated it before in other parts of India this was actually my first time at home with my family for these auspicious days.

I understand the correlation between Diwali known as the Festival of Lights and Christmas. People go all out to decorate their homes with hanging lights, much like we do back in the west for Christmas. Unlike the West there are no presents exchanged, quite a few boxes of sweets were delivered to our family home but that is where the pressure to give ends. It was a relief to not have the material nature which accompanies Christmas with this holiday or so I thought. It exists but under a different guise; first I was instructed by my sister in laws that I needed to purchase new clothes for me, my husband and my children. After doing so I was then told of a day Dhanteras which occurred just before Diwali where something metal had to be purchased for my kitchen and any major purchases that are planned for the year will often occur on this day, many people buy cars, washing machines, anything and everything that has a metal content. Because I have a new kitchen I was told to buy all new dishes but we are still in the middle of restoring our Spiritual Guesthouse so we opted to just purchase one simple pot, my hubby assured me it had nothing to do with the quantity of items it was simply important to purchase something.

Small Diwali was upon us when I was asked to view my new bed sheet. "What?" I asked. Yes it was important to put a new bed sheet on your bed the night of Diwali, nobody could really tell me why and my husband called everyone mental (crazy) and I wondered about all of the people living in poverty in this country and how they could possibly please the "Gods" involved with this holiday without any money. But then again everyone finds a way to enjoy Christmas and I think it is more about the feeling that comes along with these festivals rather than the pomp and circumstance.

Other similarities I noticed included; cleaning, everyone I know in Canada does a nice good clean before they put up their Holiday decorations but here in India we had to clean the same space a dozen times, I kept being told Laxmi Ji is coming (The Goddess of Wealth) and not to be disrespectful but I was like "and...what? she'll be pissed if there is a speck of dirt on the floor?" I don't know maybe I'm just misunderstanding but I've mentioned it before I don't believe God or in this case Goddess will bless me or not bless me simply because my house was not "up to standards" I think our blessings has far more to do with the energy we pull in and the intentions we set.


The cooking was also similar in the fact that there was massive amounts of food to consume. We cooked all morning and ate all day, it was great. There was no specific foods to be cooked for this festival as their are for others in the Hindu Calender, there was no traditional food to cook like how most families cook turkey and mashed potatoes in the west (or nut loaf in place of turkey in the case of my home) we just chose favorite dishes from each family member and did our best to make everyone happy, my big job was to mix flour to make puri (deep fried bread). A job all of my sisters complain about but I quite enjoy, it's physical and you get to get your hands dirty, I've liked from the very first time I was taught how to do it.


The day arrived and decorations went up, it was beautiful, the family sitting and enjoying life together was wonderful but what I liked most and what gave me that nostalgic Christmas vibe was the sense of youthfulness rekindled by everyone in the home. We set off hundred of fireworks and my husband and his brothers giggled like school kids as they argued over whose bombs (as they are called here) made the biggest blast.  My son had some fear with all of the loud noise but my daughter embraced it. All of the kids of our home ran around playing with sparklers, cracking caps and laughing in delight throughout the entire night, my babes literally passed out from exhaustion, just like last years Christmas.



All in all it was a heart warming celebration and yes definitely as wonderful as Christmas!

There were a couple more festivals that followed I'll blog about next...

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Wednesday's Wisdom


I've been described as "fearless" and I guess in someways I am but in truth I have fear. I think most if not all of us do on some level, the difference is whether or not we allow fear to rule our lives. Personally I choose to look fear in the face and say I just don't care. Now I'm not contradicting last weeks wisdom I don't believe 'fear' and 'bad vibes' are the same. Bad vibes are directly connected to your core, fear is an illusion created in the mind that often holds us back.

I have learnt that fear is a gateway to truth. When something scares me, I mean gets under my skin and repeats in my thoughts I know it's time to dig deep. Its time to go inside my heart and find the blockage, what am I truly afraid of, and within that fear what is the worse possible outcome? From that I ask myself AND? The key is to keep asking the question over and over and? and? and? until you find the authentic truth of what is the basis for the fear. 



Then...