What I used to do

Before I came to India on my first journey I admit I was completely out of Balance. After spending nearly three months in this glorious country I was grounded, I was connected to my truth, I sat in my own power. It was easy to be me because it was now the only truth I knew, so much programming had fallen away in the silence and rekindled joy of my inner child.

It wasn’t easy remaining true in the West nothing felt right any more. So when the opportunity to move to India presented itself as you know, I did just that.

Becoming an Indian Housewife and mother definitely threw me off balance once again, but that is because I stopped being true to me. I disconnected from putting my soulwork first in an effort to be what I thought was wanted of me, in an effort to make sure everyone loved me.

In every situation we find ourselves we are either aligned with higher self or detouring off the path. When we are in alignment everything feels right, there is no struggle, its when we step out of our blue print, deviate off of the path that serves us to one that no longer does we feel discombobulated.

The question I am continuously asked and ask myself is how to get aligned?

Unfortunately there is not one perfect solution, because we are all unique we all need to take different action. I know that may not be what you were hoping to hear but have faith there are modalities that can help you find your truth; meditation in it’s many forms is by far the most effective and a great starting point for anyone at any stage trying to achieve anything.

The rest my friends is divine. When you connect back to yourself through meditation the universe will begin to show you where you need to focus, where you need to put your energy, what the steps are you need to take in order to achieve this oneness with god self most of us are seeking on some level. 

That has been the point of my last few blogs particularly the one where I asked you to commit for one week. Together we discovered answers everywhere, literally everywhere, we just had to open ourselves long enough to listen.

For me the first step in my reconnection was Reflective meditation,

The practice of reflective or analytical meditation is like disciplined thinking: choosing a theme, question, or topic of contemplation we focus our reflection, or analysis, upon it. When our attention wanders to other thoughts, we return to our chosen topic. 
Excerpt taken from "The Five Types of Meditation" outlined by the website self-guided. 

It was a non judgement process where I allowed myself to return to my happiest time, a place where I felt the most at peace, within that were keys, what was I doing in that time and place that I was no longer doing now? The list was surprising large; Meditating, Yoga, Healthy Eating were all areas I was already aware of and making great strides to transform.

But other area's I had all but forgotten about included: Working with minerals and gemstones. Healing with crystals came quite naturally to me and even ironically during a deep clean of our home a few weeks ago I found a bag of stones I had brought from Canada five years ago when I moved here, I think I stopped using them almost immediately. Now they sit in a bowl in kitchen and daily I am getting reacquainted with their energy!


Hugging Trees, my mother always joked about me as a child talking to trees, She'd often find me outside sitting near a tree having a conversation, hugging them became a natural extension of this. I didn't want to draw extra attention to myself in a culture where I already stand out so I stopped doing things that are not with societies 'norm.'

We have a wonderful Ashoka Tree in our courtyard who now receives a hug from not only me each morning but my children who are overjoyed with the experience. Ashoka trees are considered quite auspicious and linked to Hindu History, Ashoka literally means "without sorrow"so fitting,



Dancing, I've been a dancer since childhood, but some how I misconstrued my husbands comments on how Indian women were the best dancers combined with the bombardment of Bollywood actresses like Katrina Kaif on TV dancing in ways I no longer felt capable of doing in a pregnant  Indian housewife state, My love of movement felt frumpy and forged, I no longer felt like a Goddess when I moved in my body, I felt foreign and feared being judged. Sadly to this day my husband has never seen me dance but I am slowly get back my rhythm, and maybe, just maybe,,.



Smiling in this culture can be misinterpreted out the street and I was lectured once for laughing in a busy market because it brought about unwanted stares. I began to stifle my laughter.

Fortunately with the arrival of two goofball children the laughs in our world have expanded and I'm trying now to make a point at laughing about the things that can be frustrating. I mentioned the anger I was feeling in a previous blog, it wasn't serving me but the laughter certainly does and helps to transmute those unwanted emotions. Laughter truly is the best therapy!



I realized I gave up a lot of my confidence going anywhere by myself and being completely fearless
living in a culture that holds women in their arms for safety I began to feed into the vibration
plus as most mothers will tell you the world can start to feel a little scary when you have a child, like a Mama Lion you are now more aware of dangers that could potentially lurk around the corner. In an effort to transmute this I've been heading out more frequently alone, my husband fully supports this which is lucky really because my Indian sister in laws do not leave the home unaccompanied and while my mother and father in law are not crazy about it they do understand and are getting more comfortable with it,

Next in my journey I'm going to revisit my bucket list, you know the things you'd like to experience before you "kick the bucket". Something I actually began creating in my teens and updated frequently but like everything I've talked about in this post something I haven't looked at in five years!

Time to connect back to the part of me that longs for experiences in this world and set some intentions for the future, care to join me in compiling a list? I'd love for you to share the inspiration...

In love and light beautiful souls

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Can you commit for one week?

I received a lot of feed back after my last blogpost and I thank each of you who took the time to share your truth, your experiences, offer your wisdom and advice but most of all I thank you for the love and encouragement as I continue to open up further to the light.





I'm still processing all that I am going through, working with the wonderful messages that are coming forth and doing my best to integrate changes.

As I mentioned in my last blog "I am open and ready to receive guidance" but I've discovered staying open isn't always easy, especially when you hear things that you don't want to believe as true! So this week I've been practicing remaining open to all of the suggestions no matter how foreign they may sound.

Many people pray or ask for guidance but then they don't take the time to listen to the whispers from spirit around them or simply shrug off the bombardment of signs aka messages that are delivered, I committed myself to understanding that only God, my angels, my higher self, were speaking to me this week. That absolutely everything I heard was a message for my emotional health and healing.

So even when I heard proposals like "you should consider medication" or "it's the devil" I remained open despite the negative aspect of ego that did everything it could to close me down. When I felt the resistance I took time to truly see what I was actually resisting and find the pearl of truth that was being offered by this particular angel's message.

I'll start with the suggestion that I should consider medication because this one came in a few times and I immediately scoffed. While I'm grateful for the existence of pharmaceuticals, especially in those times when assistance is needed during the healing process, I do however believe that without getting to the (spiritual) root of the issue and simply medicating the medication will just act as a band-aid, the underlying issue will not dissolve it will simply manifest in other areas.

But in an effort to remain open I committed to seeking professional help if I couldn't make headway by the end of the month, And furthermore I contemplated what was said "you should consider medication" and the reality "medicine" for me has always been more about supplements and vitamins and even more importantly from an Ayurvedic philosophy food.

Ayurveda is a ancient medical care system that translates to the science (or knowledge) of life. My very first trip to India was for an Ayurvedic retreat where I learned the importance of eating the right foods for my body type. Healthy food doesn't always mean its the correct food, shocking I know!

So remembering my teachings here in India I understand anger is related to a Pitta imbalance so this is where I've begun, with the help of a trusted Ayurvedic Doctor and my own knowledge I am eating a much more mindful diet, and taking time to find the balance needed for this dosha.

If your interested in finding out more about Dosha's click the link to take the free Dosha quiz. 







And when my dear friend told me it was "the Devil and I needed to rebuke the devil verbally". I had visions of me loosing my *hit then claiming a defence of ' the devil made me do it!' my ego encouraged me to laugh it off but once again my commitment to remain open over ruled and I took a breath, asked her to give a me moment to let her words find a truth somewhere inside of me.

I don't believe in the devil or hell as many Christian's see it, so it was a little hard for me to swallow but then I thought about what the devil does represent to me. I believe the devil is a personification of what does not serve our highest version of self, the distractions (demons) that keep us from being in our naturally blissful (Christ Conscious) state. Again an angel had spoken and I was heeding the advice which was put to the test later that day; when I felt angry I cried out "Nope, this is not me or mine. Universe show me instead where to direct this energy"

Shortly afterwards it was suggested that "I stomp my feet like a child having a tantrum to let it out," something that makes my kids laugh out loud and the sound of their giggles is enough to soothe any angry mood like they say laughter is the best medicine!

Many people proposed I work on grounding myself one that stood out particularly recommended physically touching the ground, then my husband was watching a movie and when the student was consumed by his anger his Sensei (martial arts teacher) had him 'take a knee.'  See what I mean friends, advice from the divine was/is all around ;)


So the work continues, I understand frustrations will arise especially as a mother of two small children and being in an intercultural marriage but what I'm working with is not just a frustration, it is something larger, a force if you will, but by implementing the above changes I have started to make some headway and I know there is more to it, I'll get to the bottom, or root, of it you know why? Because my beloved and these love bugs, heck I, deserve nothing more than to be my highest version of self.

And so the Spiritual adventure continues and I invite you to join me...

Can you commit for one week? One week of understanding that only God (insert whatever you want here: universe, source, spirit...) is talking to you? Let go of all resistance to anything and everything you hear and see if a pattern arises that is offering you a gateway to walk through, so you too may be more aligned with your truth? I'd love to hear about the experience...

~ In Love and Light beautiful souls

Follow @1balancedsoul

Open and waiting for guidance...

I wish I could say it's been easy since I did the parikarma of my town, that I woke up the following morning filled with vitality and joy and everything just fell into place. That my world has been nothing but sunshine and butterflies. Well actually there has been a lot of sunshine a little to much. Indian summers have the same affect on me as Canadian winters. In both cases one tends to be housebound. For months it has been too hot to really get out and enjoy the world around me but at the same time I recognize those are just circumstances, and if one allows circumstances and/or situations to determine their happiness or inner peace then effort is futile. Blaming the weather for any of my emotions or discomforts is remaining in victim mode.

*For those of you interested in ways to break out of Victim Mentality here is a link to a great article with some helpful hints!

In truth while the sun blazes outside my work is inside, inside of me. The sun in all of its power has a ton of healing properties and I'm tapping into the energy of the sun and cycles of the moon to assist me on this aligning journey but more on that in future blogs.

Me Hiking the Inca Trail

In all honesty this is proving to be the biggest undertaking I've encountered thus far in my life, and I've trekked the Andes! The continuous bombardment in my mind of random thoughts are wasted energy. I once remember a teacher from Brahma Kumaris when asked how she could possibly look so young and have so much vitality at such an old age, she was in her 90's and keeping a schedule that most thirty year old's would tire from, and she replied that she didn't "waste thoughts"

Have you ever taken a moment, an hour, or  day to listen to your thoughts? It can be exhausting! They say the average person has between 50 000 to 70 000 thoughts per day that is 35 to 48 thoughts per minute!

Reining in my thoughts is just one of the keys to finding the inner peace that continue to allude me. Also getting a handle on my reactions. Now I'm not talking about not honouring my emotions I simply mean I do not want my emotions to control me and the way I treat  those around me.

I've been understanding more how important our emotions are, any perceived negative emotion is simply a guidepost to let us know we are no longer aligned with source, our higher self. And while the knowledge of this truth is an essential stepping stone for growth it does not eradicate the fact that I have been feeling A LOT of anger, surges of it in fact. Often around the same time, late afternoon early evening, I literally want to strangle somebody, or beat any body that comes near my space. But see I have two small children that are almost always in my space so it makes it very difficult to move past and I will not allow myself to have them be the grunt of the onslaught of this raw emotion.

So I am looking for helpful ways to diffuse and release and am completely open to your suggestions

One friend suggested punching pillows, I've tried it, doesn't work for me. And in truth I don't want my kids to see me that angry and  think that somehow they are the cause for Mommy's hatred of the moment.

Another friend offered that perhaps I was absorbing the anger of those around me. It's true, I am an empath in many ways, and it is correct that my husband's angry reputation is reputed in our town so perhaps I am absorbing the anger that is still inside of him yet consciously he now has far more control over. But I was angry long before he was ever even in my life. I can remember an Osteopath well over a decade ago informing me I had a lot of "anger stored inside", an acupuncturist made the same comment during our sessions and even the Swami that I first studied with here in India told me while I had a "beautiful heart filled with an enormous amount of love there was some deep anger in my cells that needed to be released."

So it brings me back to square one. My favourite teacher of the moment is Bentinho Massaro and the latest lesson I watched on youtube he proposed when you feel something negative instead of wishing it away say Hell Yeah! Bring it on, it's pointing to a place where you are not aligned and that is a beautiful thing, the question to ask is "okay so where do I go next with it?"

So I sit, open and waiting to receive the guidance needed in this next phase of my journey, perhaps one of you holds the answer...

A picture taken before marriage in Rishikesh a time when I felt more at peace then ever before in my life

~ In Love and Light Sweet Souls

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Day Twenty of my challenge ~ Slipping deeper into the Now

The weather is beautiful here in our Holy town in India right now, a sweater and socks in the mornings and at night but the days are glorious, not to hot not to cold, just perfect. So I decided fresh air was the order of the day and took my friends to the Holy River Yamuna, as long as I didn't touch her or partake in any ceremonies it was fine. Yamuna Ji is a slow flowing river that brings with her a calm that one must experience, there are not enough words to describe the peace that fills your entire being while seated on her banks.



The place is littered with the monkey mafia but even these pesky creatures are calmer when in her presence.

I breathed in her essence and thought about how she was in no rush to get anywhere, just gracefully flowing by. It was a dawning of sorts, I'm not one who spends to much time in the past but I often catch myself in the future focusing on what else needs to be done or wondering what adventure will come next and this my friends keeps me from the very thing I am seeking; presence. Being present, exactly where I am, centered in the beautiful moment, which is the only time that exists, I felt myself slip deeper into the now.

We strolled along her banks and up to my Spiritual Guesthouse where construction is still underway, the walk through the 'old' section of town is equivalent to walking back in time, not much has changed, the ancient buildings remain intact and the limited construction that is occurring appears to be in line with our goal to restore Vrindavan to its ancient glory.





We sat and enjoyed Chai at one of the stalls along our stroll and began feeding a beautiful cow. I've mentioned before Cows are considered sacred in India, they are our second mother, meaning we go from our mothers breast to cows milk, therefore she should be revered at Jai Ma (male cows are revered for their hard work in the fields like our fathers.)

We were enjoying her company when I thought for a moment about my Indian sister in laws and how they avoid cows like a plague, then I had a fleeting thought that this one could head butt me. My friend seated across from me asked me to lean in for a picture with the cow, who must have heard her and swung her head towards mine sure enough head butting me.

I was stunned, it didn't really hurt it was more of a tap than an actual head butt, I'm not sure she intended to actually clunk my head but it left me questioning why? Why after all this time and all the love encounters I've had with cows did I get clunked. thus instilling some fear? If there is meaning in everything surely there is in this encounter.

My only conclusion is intuition, while I consider myself to be a pretty good energy reader and have kept myself out of trouble by honoring those warning signals from my intuition this time I didn't listen because it didn't come from my gut, it was a fleeting thought.

Is it possible intuition can be that subtle when it cautions a non traumatic event? Just a fleeting thought of caution? Then I'm left wondering how does one then decipher between the warning signs of intuition and just plain old fear?

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Day Ten of my Challenge ~ everything and everyone around us is a direct reflection of ourselves

It is taught by many spiritual teachers that everything and everyone around us is a direct reflection of ourselves. Those negative people in our world that are making us crazy are in some way a part of our own inner turmoil. This was a rude awakening for me, I feel as though I've been dealing with more negativity coming at me than ever in my life over the last few months, and to ascertain that it was somehow me, well that was a hard pill to swallow, before this challenge that is.

If someone says something to you that you perceive as negative or hurtful than there is some part of you that believes their words to be true, according to the teachings of Bashar. Negative people are simply your own lack of self worth being reflected back to you, and they can be seen as a gift instead of a frustration. They show you where you still need to let the light in, where you still need to heal.

Looking at from that perspective has allowed me to be far less reactive to these negative situations and confrontations. In fact it has allowed me to make leaps and bounds in my own quest for inner peace.


And it appears the work is paying off, today everyone around me seemed to be in a wonderful mood. Hubby woke up laughing and dancing around our room with the children, he even took our daughter for the morning after dropping our son off at school so I could have some time to myself! I spent over an hour on my yoga mat doing a Restorative practice I found online. The kids seemed to laugh through the entire day and I found myself with far more patience and a much lighter heart.

During my Repose/meditation sessions I pondered two opposing lessons I've been receiving firstly that God (universe, source...) has us exactly where we are supposed to be. The second is that we are the only ones responsible for manifesting our reality as we know it. That our thoughts and our thoughts alone have created the world we live in.

I'd love your opinions on this.

Day Three of my Challenge

Still cranky as heck, I think I lived in Repose today, any and every opportunity I could find I laid on my back with my arms and legs outstretched and thank God for it, I actually caught my breath, slightly anyway.

My mind won't stop swirling, a hundred different thoughts at once. It is a symptom of what's known as Monkey Mind. I know Repose is not about meditation but I am choosing to use it as such. I have to, there is no other time in the day for just me. So this potent pause has already been a gift showing me that my mind needs fixin' and now when I go into Repose there is no pressure to meditate or zone out but I try to simply become aware of where my mind is and allow it to run through it's various thoughts without trying to control or hold on to any of them. It is also assisting me with my yoga challenge I'm using it as a tool to check in with my body and see where I'm holding tension . And like I said today it saved me, and my loved ones. But the reality is I want to get to the source of why I'm reacting to everything the way I am because in truth I don't even know why I'm cranky and that is making me crankier!

Wednesday's Wisdom

I've been described as "fearless" and I guess in someways I am but in truth I have fear. I think most if not all of us do on some level, the difference is whether or not we allow fear to rule our lives. Personally I choose to look fear in the face and say I just don't care. Now I'm not contradicting last weeks wisdom I don't believe 'fear' and 'bad vibes' are the same. Bad vibes are directly connected to your core, fear is an illusion created in the mind that often holds us back.

I have learnt that fear is a gateway to truth. When something scares me, I mean gets under my skin and repeats in my thoughts I know it's time to dig deep. Its time to go inside my heart and find the blockage, what am I truly afraid of, and within that fear what is the worse possible outcome? From that I ask myself AND? The key is to keep asking the question over and over and? and? and? until you find the authentic truth of what is the basis for the fear. 

Then...

Wednesday's Wisdom

In an effort to post more frequently I've decided to make Wednesdays a day for wisdom. I'll post a quote that has helped inspire my life each week to help us get through what is commonly known in the west as "hump day" the day we need to end before we roll down the hill to the weekend, although this truly has little to no meaning here in India since most people work a minimum of six days a week.

Welcome to my first installment of Wednesday's Wisdom

Taking responsibility for our energy takes consciousness, its not easy to remain peaceful when people and situations occur that rock us. It is easy to blame these circumstances for our bad moods but the truth is we are the only ones responsible for our energy, for our reactions and responses. We can't change other people only the way we respond to them. And no one or circumstance should be able to deter us from our inner peace. This is often  much easier said then done but something I aspire for every day.

The inner peace you seek is the balance

When I first talked about being out of balance a friend commented saying she didn’t believe balance could be obtained there would always be something to knock you off balance and the key was to be at peace in whatever was happening, her words were a reminder from one of my last temple visits in India, the deity held me in an eye dance as he whispered in my heart “the inner peace you seek is the balance.”

So I’ve been doing what I can daily to remind myself to be present, to be okay with where I am and whatever transforms for the day which isn’t always easy; I catch myself wanting something else, craving some type of adventure or longing for more, even though, if I’m being honest I don’t even know what any of that truly means. The last couple of days I have felt heavy, I’ve cried a lot, refused to change out of my night dress, heck I think I even forgot to brush my teeth yesterday, classic symptoms of depression or in my case maybe pregnancy blues. That’s right friends for those who haven’t heard baby number two is on its way and although I am in my second trimester and physically I have been feeling fabulous emotionally I’m up and down like a yoyo but deep down I know it’s more than the pregnancy.

I sat yesterday and meditated I came to some deep truth aches, two years ago I left a very comfortable life, at least from a materialistic point of view. I left because I wanted more passion, more simplicity and more adventure yet it doesn’t feel like I’ve fully accomplished this. I still feel as if something is missing there is a longing that still hasn’t been quenched yet and I can’t quite get a read what needs to be done.

After my meditation I broke down, for all that I still wish for, for all that I left behind, for the fear that still exists in my heart, for the self-loathing that continues to peer its ugly face when my ego is toxic, for missing my Husband profoundly and feeling guilty because I’m scared to go back to India until certain changes transpire, I cried because I want space, I cried because I felt I needed to, I cried because I allowed myself to release.

The haze lifted only when my beloved called repeatedly to check in on me and help me crack a smile or when my baby boy put on his comedy act. By early evening I was spent, my son and I still co-sleep so I decided to go to bed early with him praying for a good night sleep. My brain and body were drained yet sleep was eluding me I felt restless and thought about being in my husband’s arms and the comfort I believed it would bring. As I stifled a sob that threatened to consume me my son rolled across the bed, my back was to him and all of a sudden his little arms were cradling me, as he spooned me my heart broke open wider than I ever dreamed possible and I accepted everything to be as it is, or as I’ve said before it would be different.

This little angel was here to remind me that everything I long for is here in front of me. The simplicity in my life became apparent, being able to live a life where I have nothing that needs to be accomplished accept to enjoy my family, God it doesn’t get much simpler, I am so blessed. When it comes to adventure; I live between two of the most beautiful countries in the world, my husband like me loves to live spontaneously once I took a breath I realized my life is adventure. Being married to my soul mate offers unlimited passion both good and bad but that’s a whole other blog. Passion is all around me as long as I remain present and when I focus on the truths I want in my world and stay open to all the love that is around me I really have it all. 

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Out of balance

It has been to long since my last blog and I apologize for that, it is my intention to get back on track and begin posting regularly again.

My summer has been interesting; the heat in India was more intense then I remembered from last year, and with my son still waking through the night for feedings I found myself exhausted, sleeping most of my days away, aches and pains began to resume in body, I couldn’t muster the strength to make it on to my mat for a yoga asana practice and each time I did attempt it my son seemed to wake at that precise moment. I was slipping out of balance quickly. I found myself looking up at the stars wishing I could go to the roof to spend some time under them but understanding my son could wake at any moment I knew I couldn't. I wasn’t feeling any type of resentment just a longing, a longing for balance. There is opportunity to find balance; in the mornings my son wakes at five am and my father in law gladly takes him, they visit with neighbors and have a wonderful time, I could easily have used that time for meditating but my comfy bed and my husband’s warm embrace were too much to resist, I wasn’t listening to any prompts because like many people I was to drained to follow them.

In an effort to find my breath again my loving husband sent me to Canada to spend some quality time with my family. So here I am enjoying the ocean breeze, the smell of fresh cut grass and sound of seagulls and as wonderful as it has all been I still find myself in constant pain, no time for yoga or meditation and a deep longing to be in my husband’s arms in the lap of mother India. Completely out of balance.

I’ve discovered a pattern; when I’m in India after a month I begin to look forward to returning to Canada, yet after a week or two of being in Canada I long to be back in India, I just can’t seem to be content with where I am, I can’t seem to settle. I tell myself once I have a home in Canada it will be easier, it’s hard living in someone else’s space. I also tell myself in India it will be easier once we have a bigger space, once I have my own kitchen, blah blah blah, either way I’m spending way too much time in my head thinking about the future and not enough time being present.

I wonder how single moms find the time to go to the bathroom? I have so much help around me yet I still can’t find time for me. My grandmother did watch him for an hour while I had a massage the other day but I spent most of the massage chatting with the therapist who happens to be one of my close friends, when I wasn’t chatting I was fretting about my Nan trying to take care of my active son as they sat in her car outside the clinic.

So how do I find that balance, how do I achieve the inner peace I have tasted and know I’m capable of? For me the secret lays in presence, so then the question becomes; how to cultivate presence? Firstly for me I need to find time to meditate. I guess I should stop writing for today and head to quiet corner of the house while my boy naps and sit for five minutes…

I take a deep breath and flow through the challenges

I didn’t post last week because I’ve been sick with diarrhea; my family insisted I go to the hospital. It afforded me a whole new appreciation for the Canadian health care system. People were scattered everywhere, sitting on benches, standing in the halls and there were three other women in the examination room with me, the doctor directed one lady to lay on the table then proceeded to ask how long I had been suffering.

Without taking my blood pressure or examining me on any level, no questions about current medications or if I have allergies to any type of drugs she prescribed four pills. As someone who rarely heads to the doctor let alone takes pharmaceuticals I was concerned. When I reached home I immediately went to internet to research what I had been given, it wasn’t as bad as I had assumed. An acidophilus, a b-complex, electrolytes and an antibiotic, I was confused as to why she gave me an antibiotic when she didn’t do any testing to determine a bacterial infection but this is India and I figured if anyone specialized in dealing with diarrhea it would be the doctors of this country.

I had slipped away from my meditation practice so I decided to head to the roof determine what was truly happening in my body. As I sat in the stillness I began to cry. I was overwhelmed, so much change in such a short period, it was classic culture shock. Something I had been through as a teenager while living in Jamaica. The romantic light I had seen India in had given way to a distorted reality. I longed for my family, mourned my old way of life, I was even missing the very things I had prayed to get away from in Canada; heading to the pub to have beers with friends, shopping malls and fast food to name a few. Each time I was faced with something ‘different’ from my native land anger flared, the things I had been intrigued by now feared, I was frustrated with the language and a sensation of being trapped exacerbated the condition.

Sitting on the roof I caught my breath, my heart’s voice whispered “everything is fine, you are exactly where you want and need to be right now, spend time each day in silence to process all of this change, everything is perfect, you are shedding a part of you that no longer serves.” Birds began singing and I smiled as peace washed over me. Deep down I was happy, happier then I had been in a very long time but an unhealthy ego can wreck havoc on your entire system.

This inner work along with most change is painful at times but suffering only occurs when we don’t take time to appreciate it. Finding the balance between what was and what is, what I think I want and what I truly want is all part of having a balanced soul.