Love Love Love

Love Love Love

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The story continues...

…When I arrived at the local hospital and explained my situation they quickly hooked me up to monitors explaining that Braxton Hicks don’t occur at frequent intervals, what I was experiencing were actual contractions. The ultrasound showed low fluid around the baby and his heart rate was a little high so they prepared me for transport to my hospital. The helicopter couldn’t fly due to foggy weather so I was taken by ambulance, the attendants and I chatted as we made the hour long journey, I was grateful for their conversational distraction.
Taken to the birthing unit and hooked up to monitors, the nurse assured me the baby was doing fine, his heart rate was normal and the contractions had subsided somewhat. By mid afternoon I was admitted to the high risk unit for overnight observation. They did an ultrasound using advanced equipment and found “adequate” fluid around the baby, who once again put on a performance for his viewers doing what I referred to as his Bollywood dance. An internal ultrasound revealed I had a shortened cervix. Bed rest was ordered until this little man made his entrance. The next morning I wondered if they would release me, I knew pregnant women who were on bed rest in the comforts of their home.
They came to take me for second ultrasound to determine the baby’s bio-score which gives them an idea of how developed the baby is. During this test the baby did something they referred to as “super ventricular tachycardia” (high heart rate) it was beating so fast they immediately called the specialist who in the span of minutes talked about an emergency c-section, putting me on heart meds in hopes of regulating his heart and/or releasing me provided I had somewhere close by to stay. My head reeled in confusion and tears threatened to consume me, I had never felt so scared in my life. When the doctor left the room I found my voice and although the lump in my throat threatened to consume me I asked the technician for clarification. She assured me everything was going to be okay that they were trying to determine the best course of action and these were the potential possibilities.
I had to surrender, I had to draw faith from the deepest resources of my being, I looked away from the monitors and focused on the love I had for this little starseed growing inside me. Horrible visions flew through my mind, in an attempt to control them I tried visualizing him at different stages throughout his life happy, healthy and strong but fear had a grasp and the more I struggled to control my thoughts the harder it became. I turned to my mantra and instantly felt some ease; terrifying thoughts still crossed the movie screen of my mind but I allowed the power of my mantra to blare, like somebody turning up a radio to drown out unwanted noise…

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