Love Love Love

Love Love Love

Friday, September 28, 2012

Does the response to the ups and downs reflect your truth?

I had a lot of response to my last blog and I'd like to thank everyone who reached out. So many of you shared your inner most thoughts with me about how you too are feeling unbalanced right now; some called it itchy feet syndrome others not knowing if they wanted to run away from or run to something. The truth is our world is shifting rapidly and for those of us who are sensitive to energy everything swirling around us can be a little overwhelming.

I had a dear friend offer me advice she said "the adventure you seek is what you live every day. How boring life would be without ups and downs and how would you move to the next step or phase in life if you did not have to struggle with decisions, dreams and goals, you are not unbalanced you are living your life..." and while I appreciate her words and agree with the simplicity of what she states I feel like what I have been trying to get across in my previous blogs may have been lost on some.

I would never expect a world without ups and downs, the unbalance comes into play when my reaction to the "ups and downs" doesn't reflect the truth of who I am. I have tasted inner peace within the eye of the storm; I'm not talking about being void of emotion but rather having genuine feelings. Stress is NOT and emotion, stress is a response creadted in the mind by an unhealthy ego. The unbalanced feeling I'm talking about is a combination of stress reaction to things that normally wouldn't ruffle me and an uneasiness somehwere deep in my core,

The adventure of everyday life is beautiful but I seek adventure beyond the everyday (that is pretty evident considering I picked up and moved to the other side of the world and live in a culture completely opposite to the one I was raised in.) I chalk it up to being a Sagittarius its part of our DNA/starseed makeup, who we are at our most authentic self. With so many changes that transpired so quickly I allowed myself to fall into a routine to please those around me and I know routine doesn't work for me. Conformity has never been my suit. I get it now that by not seeking adventure it wasn't going to present itself and being a mother now adventure will take on a different perspective so my friends advice rings true for me. Adventure can be found daily if you allow yourself to look for it and feel life as an adventure.

When I'm in touch with my heart which is my core truth it becomes easy to remain balanced; dreams and goals are obvious and nothing can deter my path, there is no struggle with decisions because they come from my soul, my heart, a centered mind. After the breakdown I spoke of in my last blog I continued to have "break throughs" and a deeper understanding that no one is responsible for my life except me, not my husband, not my child, if I want to feel balanced I need to get back in touch with my self. I know the tools that work for me yet I was using every excuse I could think of to avoid them. I could no longer hush the whsipers of my heart and a new routine has been born. I'm starting my days with conscious intention, fortunately my son already has the habit of going down with a bottle one hour after waking which affords me enough time to go on my mat or exercise in some form and have a little meditation. I've been listening to prompts when it comes to food and drinking a tonne more water. I continue to treat my pregnant body with tastey snacks but the majority of my eating habits consist of whole foods that I know nourish my body. I began connecting back to the elemental energies I've trusted thoughout my life, allowing them to guide and encourage me. During some lucid dreaming with these beautiful beings of light I was given a message "each individual must bring about integration between the spiritual self and the emotional self before there can be wholeness." I understood instantly this is exactly what I have been working through, why I have been feeling "unbalanced." I've done copious amounts of work on my spiritual side but my emotional self was often being robbed. I would disregard my own feelings sweeping them under the proverbal rug, so now when I feel like crying I allow it, when I want to scream I hold a pillow over my mounth and let er rip, whatever I need to do to feel and release I allow it knowing it is all a gateway to higher truth.

I make a point as I mentioned to make sure the emotional response is genunie and not just a conditioned or an egoic reaction to a situation or circumstance and I think it's been quite eye opening delving into what I am feeling and questioning if it is sincere or conditioned. I'm keeping track of some of my interpretations and I'll share them with you in a blog soon....


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Thursday, September 20, 2012

The inner peace you seek is the balance



When I first talked about being out of balance a friend commented saying she didn’t believe balance could be obtained there would always be something to knock you off balance and the key was to be at peace in whatever was happening, her words were a reminder from one of my last temple visits in India, the deity held me in an eye dance as he whispered in my heart “the inner peace you seek is the balance.”

So I’ve been doing what I can daily to remind myself to be present, to be okay with where I am and whatever transforms for the day which isn’t always easy; I catch myself wanting something else, craving some type of adventure or longing for more, even though, if I’m being honest I don’t even know what any of that truly means. The last couple of days I have felt heavy, I’ve cried a lot, refused to change out of my night dress, heck I think I even forgot to brush my teeth yesterday, classic symptoms of depression or in my case maybe pregnancy blues. That’s right friends for those who haven’t heard baby number two is on its way and although I am in my second trimester and physically I have been feeling fabulous emotionally I’m up and down like a yoyo but deep down I know it’s more than the pregnancy.

I sat yesterday and meditated I came to some deep truth aches, two years ago I left a very comfortable life, at least from a materialistic point of view. I left because I wanted more passion, more simplicity and more adventure yet it doesn’t feel like I’ve fully accomplished this. I still feel as if something is missing there is a longing that still hasn’t been quenched yet and I can’t quite get a read what needs to be done.

After my meditation I broke down, for all that I still wish for, for all that I left behind, for the fear that still exists in my heart, for the self-loathing that continues to peer its ugly face when my ego is toxic, for missing my Husband profoundly and feeling guilty because I’m scared to go back to India until certain changes transpire, I cried because I want space, I cried because I felt I needed to, I cried because I allowed myself to release.

The haze lifted only when my beloved called repeatedly to check in on me and help me crack a smile or when my baby boy put on his comedy act. By early evening I was spent, my son and I still co-sleep so I decided to go to bed early with him praying for a good night sleep. My brain and body were drained yet sleep was eluding me I felt restless and thought about being in my husband’s arms and the comfort I believed it would bring. As I stifled a sob that threatened to consume me my son rolled across the bed, my back was to him and all of a sudden his little arms were cradling me, as he spooned me my heart broke open wider than I ever dreamed possible and I accepted everything to be as it is, or as I’ve said before it would be different.

This little angel was here to remind me that everything I long for is here in front of me. The simplicity in my life became apparent, being able to live a life where I have nothing that needs to be accomplished accept to enjoy my family, God it doesn’t get much simpler, I am so blessed. When it comes to adventure; I live between two of the most beautiful countries in the world, my husband like me loves to live spontaneously once I took a breath I realized my life is adventure. Being married to my soul mate offers unlimited passion both good and bad but that’s a whole other blog. Passion is all around me as long as I remain present and when I focus on the truths I want in my world and stay open to all the love that is around me I really have it all. 



My goal is to make a career out of writing, if you would like to support my efforts you can do so by clicking below and making a donation, thank you for your continued support