I live in India. I actually live in India.
Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself of this because
it's easy to get caught up in the every day and forget to be thrilled by
adventure around me. I often forget I’m from Canada living on the other side of
the world in a culture that is completely foreign to most, mainly because it
often feels so natural for me. I usually forget that I am different from anyone
else on the street. I refer to most non-Indians as foreigners just like the
locals do, not even realizing I too am considered a foreigner by most
onlookers. I forget I’m white until I see another white person or I notice a
certain discerning stare that can follow me when I’m out on the street and then
I think oh yeah, I’m a white girl living in this holy city. There are others
but few and far between and I’ve yet to come across one that is like me, most
are devotees of one Guru or another, they wear tilak (spiritual marking on
their forehead) and dress in Gopi dresses (something I’ve yet to see an Indian
girl in, even though it is still considered cultural dress) and live a life
that is quite different from mine.
My point is no matter where life takes you or where you find
yourself living it’s easy to get caught up and allow it to become mundane,
unless of course you consciously choose otherwise. I may be on the opposite
side of the world but I still get up cook, clean, go to work, play with my son,
wash rinse repeat... it’s easy to let it all lose its magic. But since the 2012
shift I feel something awakening in me, this last year was spent letting go,
learning to surrender, the process is far from complete but I have a deeper
appreciation for the life I have created, I have taken responsibility once
again for my own happiness and reminded myself to be grateful for everything
thing that appears in my daily life, even if it seems trivial or worse; annoying.
When I first began travelling to what is now my home town in
India it used to hold such magic for me. It was my playground the place where I
felt most spiritually alive, where my heart danced in the every day; I know
that is why I came to live here. But with so much change since that move not
even three years ago; a new marriage, living in a joint family, trying to learn
a new language, having a baby, traveling between Canada and India, adapting to
new roles, getting pregnant again, and the list goes on… I realized I hadn’t
allowed myself much time to digest it all. I was frustrated with myself for feeling
out of balance but the shift helped me release a lot of pent up anger/frustration
and I found my hearts dance again, my truth surfaced once again and I began to
remember why I made such a bold life decision and with that it became easier to
express why I made this move and what is needed for me to be authentically happy.
I believe in love there needs to some sacrifice, a great
quote from the book the Secret Daughter “the key to a successful marriage is
for each spouse to give as much as they thought they possibly could, then give
a little more” really rang true for me. I felt like I had been giving and
sacrificing too much of myself, I was beginning to harbor resentment but in an
a-ha moment with that passage I understood that it was no one’s doing but own,
I had been giving and giving but not asking for what I needed in return. I have
more in me to give but I had put my own dreams on the back burner, they were
still simmering but because I wasn’t adding anything to them, wasn’t paying
attention to them at all, they began to burn (hence the pent up anger)
All of that being said I began to voice my dreams again and with
an unbelievable soulmate at my side there is now some wonderful change transpiring.
My husband and I have decided to completely renovate our guesthouse to make it
more functional, we are renovating a portion for us to live in. I have enjoyed
my time living in a joint family but I crave a space I can call mine, a space
that is my sanctuary, being raised in Canada this is what is normal for me and
although I would never trade the time I’ve had living with my large Indian family
to find balance and run the types of retreats I want this is the most logical
step. As the work began on what will be my deepest heart’s desire manifested
before my eyes I began seeing the magic again all around me. Last night as the
Indian sun set I watched a group of monkeys make their way to what I can only
assume they call home each night, a mommy monkey climbed up the wall with her
little one snuggled to her chest and a smile crossed my lips at the human like
similarities as my son sat snuggled on my chest. I was breathing in the moment
recognizing this discovery channel moment as “my normal”, my son spotted the
monkey and began making monkey noises at them,
a simple Canadian girl from a small city living amongst a very different
backdrop, once again grateful for all that I have manifested and am manifesting
in this spiritual adventure we call life.
