Christmas Indian Style...

It was not the first Christmas I've spent in India but it is the first one I attempted to make into a Christmas as similar as possible to my childhood experiences in Canada. By now you know I live in a holy town, it is the birth place and playing ground of one of the Hindu Gods, in other words nobody celebrates Christmas, I have never come across a Christian in these parts, I'm told there is a church in the next town over but I've never been to it. That being said it's not like I would have attended church in Canada either, in fact other than stories of Jesus's birth and carols related to it not very much of my Christmas celebration revolved around the religious aspects.

My mother arrived from Canada with my wish list for baking, craft supplies and a few items for the kids stockings and a toy I thought they'd each enjoy which is plenty for a two and three year old yet I found us out searching the local bazaar (market) for more. I desperately wanted more, more stuff to put under the tree. There was nothing! Toys that were of cheap quality, poorly constructed and not worth bartering over, Clothing for children here for winter is not at all like we have back in the west and I had to admit the kids cupboards are already stocked with more than enough great clothes to get them through the few months of cold weather. Not only could I not justify buying crap as if by divine intervention I couldn't even find one item worth purchasing. Except of course these silly Santa masks, which my almost two year old is still scared of.

I had to surrender and let go of the material conditioning that had become my norm for Christmas. In doing so I was able to recall what mattered most to me as a child at Christmas. Yes the presents were nice but I loved the feeling. The love that surrounded everyone and the magic that seemed to be everywhere. In true Christ nature it has always been about giving, so we opted to take a bunch of money in our pockets and walk the street handing it out to those in need. Interestingly we didn't find many people around but our pockets are still lined and each day that we venture out we keep our eyes and hearts open ready to give when needed. We invited the children of the house to come and do holiday art work for decorating our room, we feasted on treats and listened to carols.



I told them the story of Jesus's birth, they told me Jesus spent time in India. Wait. What? Yup many Indians believe that during the decades that were somehow omitted from the bible Jesus actually spent some time here in the far east, in fact there are many books written on the topic which I intend to read.




Watching the joy on my children's faces as they realized Santa had ate the cookies and drank the milk and left presents behind was priceless and the only gift I needed to make my Christmas the most magical ever.

Sharing love and opening ones heart to all of the joy that is this life, everyday, and not just for one commercialized season is what we all need more of in this world, after all "Christmas isn't a season, it's a feeling" 

Bhakti the path of love...

"During a certain phase of the journey, we are not open to understanding the parts of ourselves that play against our own happiness. We are not really willing to get to know ourselves - we just want to get rid of our symptoms that bring suffering. In this phase, prayer and devotion are like a bargain that we use because they meet our needs, It is natural to start off like this, but at some point we must let go of this bargaining in order to continue along the path of love, Devotion is not meant as an occasional practice; only when it is firm and steady can it lead us to the experience of oneness. what builds this steadiness is self-awareness" ~ Sri Prem Baba

I started the Bhakti portion of this Yoga Challenge at one of my favorite temples here in my sacred town. It is my intention to engage in some form of prayer, worship everyday for a minimum of thirty days, but if the results are anything like the rest of this practice it will become as much as part of my world as eating food and drinking water.

"When speaking of Bhakti we could be referring to an emotion, a practice, a school of philosophical thought, a popular movement, or state of consciousness. The common thread that connects all of these uses of term is its relation to the souls dormant love for God that is seen as the very essence of our being. The idea that the very purpose of human life is uncovering that essence is found throughout the worlds spiritual traditions" ~ Radhanath Swami

For me it is a a bit of a step back, back to the source of my love for this quaint little town. This temple is where I was introduced to my first Hindu God. I live in the town where Krishna was born. He is known throughout Hinduism as the ultimate enjoyer. The lover of love, silly and carefree, strong and bold but the core of my learning in relation to this being is the purpose to life is to enjoy, to enjoy every moment of every day and in truth isn't that what we all are really craving?

Day 27 through 30 of my Challenge - the next phase...

People who love drama don't give up easy, they don't like to go away without a fight and often will do what they can to create it, turns out this is just as much me as anyone else I've been trying to blame. 

Some of us are just dramatic people and little things can be made into big things. But see I'm as paradoxical as the country of India I presently call home. More often than not the big things that the masses would stress about seem to leave me tension free, i.e. loosing a job, death of a loved one, these things are life to me and I'm able to concentrate on the adventure that can come about when nothing is sure or live in the sweet memories of a departed loved one instead of questioning why. 

Even more interestingly is how negative I can be at times yet I'm consistently optimistic.

What I have discovered during this challenge over the last thirty days is a deeper sense of self, I have come to terms with my negative tendencies and am now conscious of this victim mentality I have adopted that unfortunately flows through the rivers of womanhood here in India. But in true paradoxical form its also where Goddess is re-emerging, where I have also encountered some of the strongest women I know. Where the simple act of motherhood and being a doting wife is revered among sisters and society. Its a step back in time and into the future with the same footing.

I realized I may have pushed my sense of self downward a little while trying to conform to an idea of what I am supposed to be like while living in traditional Indian culture. Part of me had been missing but I understand it has all been a choice and feelings of resentment towards this way of life that one day can feel like a gift and another feel like a prison have to be resolved. When you make a choice you must be willing to live with the consequences or simply make another choice and the truth is when I'm connected to my authentic truth, when I'm Reposing or on my Yoga mat my heart is singing with the gifts that are around me, with this beautiful world I have created. 

During this challenge some the darkest parts of me came forward for cleansing and I'd like to say now I'm perfectly peaceful but that is not the case. I am however aware of my tendencies to get overwhelmed when I don't take a minute to center (or seven in Repose), how irritable I get when I don't eat well or drink enough water. How it is okay to ask for help and it's also okay if I don't get it in the form I had envisioned.

There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path

I want to keep walking this path and my intention is to continue to Repose and find time on my Yoga mat each day but I know it's also time to add another element. Tomorrow I begin work on my Bhakti path, which is the path of love and devotion. The obvious path in this Holy town I live in that is world renown for its Bhakti lifestyle. I will be visiting temples as often as possible and getting deeper in touch with divine part of my being and my version of source energy. I hope you'll stay tuned...

Day Twenty Three through Twenty Six of my Challenge ~ My Guru

Yesterday marked a turning point for me. It seems I've been drawing light into the darkest recesses of my being which is the point of this challenge but its hard to face the dark and my ego desperately wants to engage with those around me.

I was feeling depleted and weakened by the events around me which I don't really want to get into because they do not have a real baring on what my journey is, just know that I felt like I have been under constant verbal attack, like somehow I was not enough, I felt beaten down at times and questioned how much more I could withstand. Even with the knowledge that is was my own lack of self worth being directed at me I still couldn't stop my mind from dwelling in victim mode, I wondered how much longer I could tolerate this emotional roller coaster I seemed to be riding and then like magic this little gem showed up

This simple yet profound statement is everything I have been eluding to, everything I have understood intellectually but somehow didn't comprehend. Over the years I have been able to cultivate this when dealing with acquaintances but for the very first time it resonated as my core truth when dealing with loved ones.

I was able to look at the perceived tormentor, my beloved and see with compassion that it was not my insecurities but perhaps his own. I was able to listen without allowing the words to settle in my skin, they did not weigh down my heart and only entered one ear and quickly exited the other. In that moment I understood that everything I have been praying for is right in front of me. One cannot find inner peace without dealing with all of their *hit first.

There is absolutely no anger, no resentment and certainly no belief that anyone else's words hold my truth. The recognition that the teacher, mentor I've been searching for is all around me. Living in a Holy Town in India I often get asked who my Guru is and my response is always the same; "God is my guru, my husband is my guru, my children are my gurus, the beautiful masters the divine leads me to are my gurus, the sweet souls I encounter are my gurus, everything is my Guru." Finally, finally they are not just words. From the deepest part of me, from my core I can feel myself surrendering to life...my Guru.

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Day twenty one and twenty two of my Challenge ~ The Goddess in Me

I've realized I have created a bit of undue stress in my life with this blog, trying to get something posted every day has led me to being short with the kids when I'm trying to concentrate on writing, it's led my mind to wander while in Repose or on my Yoga mat and offered me a distraction from the very thing I am trying accomplish, presence and inner peace.

I haven't touched my novel in well over a year now and for the second time since being prompted to write a book the universe has dropped an editor in my lap who is patiently awaiting my draft. I'm learning priorities and coming to terms with a self induced laziness that seems to accompany my Indian housewife friends and family. We work hard cooking and cleaning but spend the free time of of day watching serials (soap operas) or scanning the internet and while I'm honoring my role as a stay at home Mom I must continue to manifest more for this life.

While manifesting is an important part creating the life we dream of I'm still catching myself in thinking about whats next instead of being here now. In fact I just ate a late night dinner while editing this post, so not how I want to live this precious gift of life. That being said no need to worry I'll still keep blogging, I love sharing my world with you but I have decided I'm only going to post two days a week and I'm asking for those of you who have still not subscribed to my blog to please do so. You'll help my numbers which will bring advertisers and higher stats on google. More importantly you won't miss out on my intended Wednesday and Saturday posts. There may be more here and there but I have to focus on doing more of what I'm writing about instead of focusing on turning all of my doings into writing.

Maybe just maybe I'm getting somewhere with this challenge, despite the fact that once again I'm riddled with aches and pains, feel like I'm fighting yet another cold and can't seem to get a good nights sleep! That plus every time I get dressed somehow I manage to put my clothes on backwards, what is up with that?

My friends have left but not before we enjoyed an evening at Vashino Devi Complex it is eleven acres of Goddess enchantment! Goddfess seems to be a recurring theme in my world right now. As if an awakening is happening not just for me but for many women and men, even earth herself. It was actually my first time inside the ashram and grounds and I loved sharing the experience with a fellow Canadian also on her path of invoking Goddess energy into her world.

As I stood underneath the gigantic statue of one of the forms of Goddess Durga I  thought about why I along with most women have somehow believed we are not enough when the very opposite is true. I could feel my inner Goddess vibrating, my heart pounded a rhythmic beat and I wanted to roar like the Lion she was sitting on. Being a woman is power, we are Shakti! Shakti is feminine energy, the word is Sanskrit which is one of the very first languages on earth and it literally translates to "to be able" "power" and "empowerment." If we find a way to connect to our feminine roots we can begin to understand that we are way more than enough, we have so much potential running through our bodies, emanating from our souls.

How have we gotten so far removed from our divine feminine roots? I'm asking the universe (God, Source...) to please direct me in connecting back to it at once!

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Day Twenty of my challenge ~ Slipping deeper into the Now

The weather is beautiful here in our Holy town in India right now, a sweater and socks in the mornings and at night but the days are glorious, not to hot not to cold, just perfect. So I decided fresh air was the order of the day and took my friends to the Holy River Yamuna, as long as I didn't touch her or partake in any ceremonies it was fine. Yamuna Ji is a slow flowing river that brings with her a calm that one must experience, there are not enough words to describe the peace that fills your entire being while seated on her banks.



The place is littered with the monkey mafia but even these pesky creatures are calmer when in her presence.

I breathed in her essence and thought about how she was in no rush to get anywhere, just gracefully flowing by. It was a dawning of sorts, I'm not one who spends to much time in the past but I often catch myself in the future focusing on what else needs to be done or wondering what adventure will come next and this my friends keeps me from the very thing I am seeking; presence. Being present, exactly where I am, centered in the beautiful moment, which is the only time that exists, I felt myself slip deeper into the now.

We strolled along her banks and up to my Spiritual Guesthouse where construction is still underway, the walk through the 'old' section of town is equivalent to walking back in time, not much has changed, the ancient buildings remain intact and the limited construction that is occurring appears to be in line with our goal to restore Vrindavan to its ancient glory.





We sat and enjoyed Chai at one of the stalls along our stroll and began feeding a beautiful cow. I've mentioned before Cows are considered sacred in India, they are our second mother, meaning we go from our mothers breast to cows milk, therefore she should be revered at Jai Ma (male cows are revered for their hard work in the fields like our fathers.)

We were enjoying her company when I thought for a moment about my Indian sister in laws and how they avoid cows like a plague, then I had a fleeting thought that this one could head butt me. My friend seated across from me asked me to lean in for a picture with the cow, who must have heard her and swung her head towards mine sure enough head butting me.

I was stunned, it didn't really hurt it was more of a tap than an actual head butt, I'm not sure she intended to actually clunk my head but it left me questioning why? Why after all this time and all the love encounters I've had with cows did I get clunked. thus instilling some fear? If there is meaning in everything surely there is in this encounter.

My only conclusion is intuition, while I consider myself to be a pretty good energy reader and have kept myself out of trouble by honoring those warning signals from my intuition this time I didn't listen because it didn't come from my gut, it was a fleeting thought.

Is it possible intuition can be that subtle when it cautions a non traumatic event? Just a fleeting thought of caution? Then I'm left wondering how does one then decipher between the warning signs of intuition and just plain old fear?

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Day Nineteen of my Challenge - put to the test

Presence, what does that mean?
For me it means being fully aware and engaged in whatever it is I am doing.

We live in a day in age when multitasking is all the rage, the more we can get done in a single moment the more effective we are, but for who?

Does any one task truly get the presence of mind it deserves?

I used to get frustrated with my husband because he is not a multitasker, he would get frustrated with me because I wouldn't do something "with mind" as he called it. Together we are finding balance.

When we are present in whatever we are engaged in our whole being is there, we are not thinking about what else has to be done through the day. We are not replaying what has already occurred this week, we are simply being. Now yes one can consciously choose to spend  time reflecting on past events, or planning what we'd like to accomplish in what time period but we must be aware of where our thoughts are at all times, this for me is presence.

I'm just as guilty as the next gal, I often catch myself writing this blog while I'm cooking dinner or thinking about my next status update while I'm reading posts from friends. Catching your thoughts or rather letting your thoughts go is surrender. Surrendering to what is, without trying to escape from the reality you've created around you and embracing all that life is the presence I'm cultivating with this challenge.

Today I was tested in surrender, firstly it marked the beginning of that lovely time of month we women share, I don't usually blog about menstruation but trust me I bring it up because it will be relevant. I decided to do an online yoga class geared at honoring the menstrual cycle and was half way through the VERY relaxing practice when my phone rang, the kids were sleeping so I jumped up to answer it, hubby informed me that my friends were here. "What?" I stammered...

I had been chatting with a friend who was in Delhi on vacation and hoping to make the trek to our auspicious town but her husband had been under the weather and they were beginning to run short on time. She mentioned that today was the day they would like to arrive but I didn't hear from her so I assumed her hubby was still not feeling up to travelling. Low and behold here they were in our Holy Town searching for us, she couldn't get through on my phone and I wasn't receiving her messages on social media.

For a second I panic'd, what was I going to do with them? Now that my monthly visitor had arrived it wasn't like I could take them to any of the five thousand temples our town in known for. I have mentioned numerous times that we live in a Holy Town here in India and with that comes certain rules; like not entering any sacred site while menstruating.

I can hear you now echoing my same questions years ago "who is going to know?" "will someone be checking you before you enter a temple?" and the answer is no, no one will check and I, along with my husband, would be the only ones to know. I recently caught myself arguing "explain to me why?" No one has a clear answer, its just not considered clean. Again the feminist in me bangs her head against the wall. this mentality from ancient times sure I can understand but nowadays we have extra absorbency pads and even better tampons or Devi cups. I'd still like to know what makes us women impure during this time so please enlighten me if you know.

In the meantime I choose to surrender. I chatted with my friend over chai and explained the situation, she too being married to an Indian and living in 'Westernized' India six month out of the year said it probably wouldn't stop her but respected my decision. We discussed many "rules" while she was here that I abide by, "How do you do it? How do you handle being told you can't do something?" she asked with genuine curiosity. I explained I'm the one that made the choice to live in a foreign culture, one that came with rules and restrictions. I can't expect it to change just because I'm here and would like it a certain way. I made the choice so I have to accept what is the reality around me. I bend rules where I can, I get away with a lot more than my Indian sister in laws but some rules no matter how absurd they may seem, have meaning, and if they mean something to my husband my love for him allows me to just follow it. Does it hurt me to not go to temple for a few days out of each month? No not at all, so why fight it? There are so many wonderful things to focus on about my life here getting caught up in the restrictions are not worth my time.

Its probably a good thing I didn't know she was coming I would have stressed not knowing how to entertain someone in my Bhakti town, but we had a blast, We went to Prem Mandir which my hubby and I lovingly refer to as the Vegas of Vrindavan with its lights and water show. With so much to see and do outside of worship it was a perfect evening. We were able to sit outside enjoying the sights and sounds of the grounds,  my three year old guided them inside the temple for Darshan (prayers), we ate great food and laughed loudly.  It really is a spectacle and my friends loved every inch of it! I was there, not worried about what will do tomorrow, trusting it will reveal itself when the moment arrives, for now I'm basking in the ability to surrender and gratitude for the lesson of day.