I didn’t post last week because I’ve been sick with diarrhea; my family insisted I go to the hospital. It afforded me a whole new appreciation for the Canadian health care system. People were scattered everywhere, sitting on benches, standing in the halls and there were three other women in the examination room with me, the doctor directed one lady to lay on the table then proceeded to ask how long I had been suffering.
Without taking my blood pressure or examining me on any level, no questions about current medications or if I have allergies to any type of drugs she prescribed four pills. As someone who rarely heads to the doctor let alone takes pharmaceuticals I was concerned. When I reached home I immediately went to internet to research what I had been given, it wasn’t as bad as I had assumed. An acidophilus, a b-complex, electrolytes and an antibiotic, I was confused as to why she gave me an antibiotic when she didn’t do any testing to determine a bacterial infection but this is India and I figured if anyone specialized in dealing with diarrhea it would be the doctors of this country.
I had slipped away from my meditation practice so I decided to head to the roof determine what was truly happening in my body. As I sat in the stillness I began to cry. I was overwhelmed, so much change in such a short period, it was classic culture shock. Something I had been through as a teenager while living in Jamaica. The romantic light I had seen India in had given way to a distorted reality. I longed for my family, mourned my old way of life, I was even missing the very things I had prayed to get away from in Canada; heading to the pub to have beers with friends, shopping malls and fast food to name a few. Each time I was faced with something ‘different’ from my native land anger flared, the things I had been intrigued by now feared, I was frustrated with the language and a sensation of being trapped exacerbated the condition.
Sitting on the roof I caught my breath, my heart’s voice whispered “everything is fine, you are exactly where you want and need to be right now, spend time each day in silence to process all of this change, everything is perfect, you are shedding a part of you that no longer serves.” Birds began singing and I smiled as peace washed over me. Deep down I was happy, happier then I had been in a very long time but an unhealthy ego can wreck havoc on your entire system.
This inner work along with most change is painful at times but suffering only occurs when we don’t take time to appreciate it. Finding the balance between what was and what is, what I think I want and what I truly want is all part of having a balanced soul.
Without taking my blood pressure or examining me on any level, no questions about current medications or if I have allergies to any type of drugs she prescribed four pills. As someone who rarely heads to the doctor let alone takes pharmaceuticals I was concerned. When I reached home I immediately went to internet to research what I had been given, it wasn’t as bad as I had assumed. An acidophilus, a b-complex, electrolytes and an antibiotic, I was confused as to why she gave me an antibiotic when she didn’t do any testing to determine a bacterial infection but this is India and I figured if anyone specialized in dealing with diarrhea it would be the doctors of this country.
I had slipped away from my meditation practice so I decided to head to the roof determine what was truly happening in my body. As I sat in the stillness I began to cry. I was overwhelmed, so much change in such a short period, it was classic culture shock. Something I had been through as a teenager while living in Jamaica. The romantic light I had seen India in had given way to a distorted reality. I longed for my family, mourned my old way of life, I was even missing the very things I had prayed to get away from in Canada; heading to the pub to have beers with friends, shopping malls and fast food to name a few. Each time I was faced with something ‘different’ from my native land anger flared, the things I had been intrigued by now feared, I was frustrated with the language and a sensation of being trapped exacerbated the condition.
Sitting on the roof I caught my breath, my heart’s voice whispered “everything is fine, you are exactly where you want and need to be right now, spend time each day in silence to process all of this change, everything is perfect, you are shedding a part of you that no longer serves.” Birds began singing and I smiled as peace washed over me. Deep down I was happy, happier then I had been in a very long time but an unhealthy ego can wreck havoc on your entire system.
This inner work along with most change is painful at times but suffering only occurs when we don’t take time to appreciate it. Finding the balance between what was and what is, what I think I want and what I truly want is all part of having a balanced soul.
1 comment:
For a westerner initially atleast India can be overwhelming. There seems to be no intelligent functioning of order in India. Chaos, pollution, noise... none of it seem to reflect what this country has stood for - the inner search! Of course the other way way of looking at it is perhaps this country has invested so much in finding out the self, that it has given very little importance to the outside world, so very little scientific approach to the outer world, but immense importance to the inner search (this is true atleast at one point a couple of thousand years ago in india).
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