I haven't posted in three days because I haven't been feeling great, I came down with a nasty cough and cold. I did manage to lay in corpse pose and even got my feet up the wall, I'm going to count it as Yoga since it was even hard to accomplish Repose. All I wanted to do was curl up in fetal position and had to literally force myself to lay on my back with my arms and legs open, it was actually painful!
I'm not surprised that I've gotten sick during this challenge, my family here says its from the change in weather which I'm sure has played its part but the reality is this challenge can be exhausting. Its a fight with the ego, some say that is the bloodiest war any human can engage in. In order to get to the truth we must break down the walls ego has built around us and listen to the whisper of our heart. Facing ones soul is not the easiest task to undertake.
I find myself often head swirling caught up in a web of confusion, trying to decipher what is truth and what is fiction. Telling myself to simply be and let it unfold around me but anyone who has ever attempted this work will understand that is not always easy. I continue to drum up not so pleasant experiences and can't for a life of me understand why these manifestations of ugliness persist and at what point I will be able to find the warmth of inner peace even when the winds blow cold and hard against me.
See that is it one of the key lessons for me thus far; it is so easy to be Shanti when everyone around me is happy but as soon as the wind picks up and energies around me become agitated I begin to feed off of them and all footing is lost.
Remaining rooted during a hurricane is how the tree survives but trying to find time or ways to ground myself while nursing a cold and taking care of toddlers is a bit more than this Intercultural Mama has time for. My hubby holds me in his arms at night wincing with each coughing fit, holding me tighter as my body shivers despite the fever but in the morning like most stay at home moms from any country the household work needs a doin'. It seems like the more I ask for help the less help I receive and not out of anything other than divine intervention. Hubby will get a phone call from someone and have to leave immediately for a work related situation, which means I'm on my own. Two toddlers, also fighting the same bug I have, who need to be bathed, fed, entertained and cuddled. They would lay down for their nap and I'd crawl onto the bed laying my head on the pillow sleep just about to set in when someone would bang on my door for whatever reason. I'd deal with what needed to be dealt with and join the babies again to have the phone ring, it was ongoing.
I'd lay down and ponder the lesson I was to learn from this illness which of course kept me in cycle of thought which is not where rest exists, urg! This challenge and growing consciousness is not easy indeed. But at some point I have to stop trying to figure it all out, stop trying to make sense of anything and trust, trust that even with all my aches and pains it is so worth it!
I'm not surprised that I've gotten sick during this challenge, my family here says its from the change in weather which I'm sure has played its part but the reality is this challenge can be exhausting. Its a fight with the ego, some say that is the bloodiest war any human can engage in. In order to get to the truth we must break down the walls ego has built around us and listen to the whisper of our heart. Facing ones soul is not the easiest task to undertake.
I find myself often head swirling caught up in a web of confusion, trying to decipher what is truth and what is fiction. Telling myself to simply be and let it unfold around me but anyone who has ever attempted this work will understand that is not always easy. I continue to drum up not so pleasant experiences and can't for a life of me understand why these manifestations of ugliness persist and at what point I will be able to find the warmth of inner peace even when the winds blow cold and hard against me.
See that is it one of the key lessons for me thus far; it is so easy to be Shanti when everyone around me is happy but as soon as the wind picks up and energies around me become agitated I begin to feed off of them and all footing is lost.
Remaining rooted during a hurricane is how the tree survives but trying to find time or ways to ground myself while nursing a cold and taking care of toddlers is a bit more than this Intercultural Mama has time for. My hubby holds me in his arms at night wincing with each coughing fit, holding me tighter as my body shivers despite the fever but in the morning like most stay at home moms from any country the household work needs a doin'. It seems like the more I ask for help the less help I receive and not out of anything other than divine intervention. Hubby will get a phone call from someone and have to leave immediately for a work related situation, which means I'm on my own. Two toddlers, also fighting the same bug I have, who need to be bathed, fed, entertained and cuddled. They would lay down for their nap and I'd crawl onto the bed laying my head on the pillow sleep just about to set in when someone would bang on my door for whatever reason. I'd deal with what needed to be dealt with and join the babies again to have the phone ring, it was ongoing.
I'd lay down and ponder the lesson I was to learn from this illness which of course kept me in cycle of thought which is not where rest exists, urg! This challenge and growing consciousness is not easy indeed. But at some point I have to stop trying to figure it all out, stop trying to make sense of anything and trust, trust that even with all my aches and pains it is so worth it!
1 comment:
I was glad to read your final sentence. I'm going through somewhat the same right now, flu, incredibly sore hip/back, sore elbow (all on the left side) trying to figure out why now, with all I have to do to get ready for my upcoming journey to India? Trusting that everything will be alright is fine but in the meantime why must I suffer? Because I'm not actually trusting, I'm allowing the stress to take over my body and not truly trusting that everything is as it should be and it will be fine. TRUST means letting go of the battle and that's not easy to do. The truth is I'm very excited to be travelling once again, and so excited to see you and your family, why is it that stress can be the dominant emotion? Why do we fall into that trap? Seems like the go-to emotion because it's easier for some reason. Today I fight back, start again, onward on my own personal journey of trying to remain in a state of happiness..which I am by the way...lol.
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