I awoke this morning with heart palpitations and I haven't really been able to shift this feeling of anxiety all day, Anxiety is not an uncommon presence in my world, for decades I have occasionally been confronted with the uneasiness associated with anxiety disorder, I have never medicated, I've always known on some level what the cause was i.e. unhappy at work, but this time the truth eludes me.
My cranky pants are still off (Yay) but there is the late afternoon/early evening "Oh My God somebody let me breath" but I'm so aware of its onset now I can catch it and Repose before it gets to out of control. The kids are getting a little more used to my 'Potent Pause' time, I tell them "Mommy needs five minutes!" If that doesn't work I resort to bribery "please give Mommy this time and then we can play whatever you want." or "I'll give you candy"
And if that doesn't work there is always the Mom I said I would never be, stick em in front of the TV or in my children's case the computer, they have no interest in the TV but put on YouTube and they'll sit there mesmerized for an hour, that is if I'm working around them but if I sit to talk on the phone or sip a cup of chai well that's a whole other story that every mother knows about :-) But today my friends they went outside and played giving me the time I needed so I didn't become Franken(stein)Mom. Can I get an Amen, or my town a HariBol!
I'm not sure what the anxiety is trying to communicate, obviously I still have a long way to go with this challenge. I guess I'm more disconnected from my higher self than I realized. So I'm embracing the anxiety with the understanding that it is a gateway. A gateway to a part of me that needs to be heard in order to achieve the balance within I am seeking, which is the primary reason I began this challenge, which actually leads me to believe I'm making headway. Is it possible to shift anxiety into excitement?
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