Day Twelve of my Challenge - Feeling picked on

I can sometimes feel picked on living here in India, it actually seems to a theme among masala bloggers of late. Masala refers to those of us who are not from India but married to Indians, Masala translates to "blend of spices" and I have recently connected with an entire community online, it has been a blessing being able to share with these beautiful ladies. The majority live in their home countries but still face inter cultural struggles and parenting issues, its nice to have these women to share experiences and garner advice from.

One of my dear friends Madh Mama described her experience "It is hard when people constantly pick you apart and talk about you when you're right in front of them. When they comment on your dress, appearance, your movements, what you're eating, and your facial expressions. At times, I feel as if I'm the lone fish in an aquarium."  

It is the Indian way, they do it to one another and they really take pleasure in doing it to a Westerner, they don't mean harm by it, it's just in their nature. After years of this bothering me this week, because of this challenge, I've been able to witness words more instead of allowing them to get under my skin. If the words are being said to me they are a reflection of a belief I still hold, my lack of self worth being vocalized so I may continue to build esteem. I once read, and I'm paraphrasing, that you must believe in yourself so strongly that if someone says something to you that could be perceived as negative, you would look at them like they were crazy and you'd have absolutely no idea what was coming out of their mouth because it wasn't true.

Every comment in the last few years has felt like an attack, that somehow I'm not enough. Nobody has ever said that to me but my ego would love to have me believe it. Most self esteem issues begin in childhood during development, at some point we begin to compare ourselves to everyone and everything we see around us, so many factors come into play and I'm not sure at what point my self worth leveled off or sunk but I feel so grateful for all of these lessons in light during this challenge. The awakening in my mind, the opening in my heart and shift in my soul is tangible.

I'm giving some thought to this and would love to know what you would say!