Words can be misinterpreted but inner knowing and acceptance is truth

I have never had a conversation with my brother in laws. Never. Not two words spoken. And its not because we don't speak the same language, my Hindi is improving a bit since I began listening to pod casts while I cook, and they speak some English but it has never happened because it is not culturally acceptable.

I'm not even suppose to look the older brothers in the eyes, in fact I'm not supposed to look any male in the eyes here in India; I get it, it's considered disrespectful or for some a lot can be contained or misread within a look. Prostitutes use their eyes as a way to solicit clients and this is a country where affairs still happen frequently. I am in no way saying they don't in the West but here in rural India it is still somewhat culturally acceptable. In fact weeks after my husband and I were married he said "I want to make you a promise." his promise was that he would "never have a physical relationship with another woman." I was like; "Um, yeah, duh, were married." Years later I understand the value of that promise.

*Side note Brajwasi's (refers the local people of the area we live in) believe that you can never make a promise while in Braj that you do not intend to keep because you if break that promise your next birth will not be so good.

Looking into one another's eyes is a way to flirt and again I understand the concept, my husband and I spent hours "eye dancing" as it's called here in India; just being lost in one another's gaze, in fact there is a story of a king and queen who could climax by just gazing into one another's eyes. So I get it and I try not to judge it, it is as it is and when you choose to embrace life in a foreign country you can't expect things to be the way you're used to them. It is just so foreign to me as a Canadian girl, we are known world wide for our friendly nature, hearty smiles, and warm hugs.

It is interesting to me in general the lack of physical affection between family members in our joint family home. Back in Canada we are always touching one another; hugging, a hand on the shoulder, a subtle nudge but I've never seen affection other than towards children here. I remember one day years ago my father in law asking if we touch the feet of elders in Canada, I told him "no we hug", and he giggled like a school boy.

Now don't get me wrong affection exists, it is common to see grown men walking down the street holding hands or with their arms draped around one another. But in my little traditional town you rarely see a guy and a girl holding hands and if you do; guaranteed they aren't from our area. My husband has never touched me in public or in front of a family member, fortunately he is super lovey-dovey in our room in front of our children and when we travel to Canada he adapts and becomes a hugging machine.


Now although there has never been a direct conversation between me and my brother in laws they have learned all about me, and me about them, via my husband or sister in laws. I feel very bonded to them, I view them as my bothers and just being in their presence I know I am protected, I know I am cared for and I know they look at me as their sister and would do absolutely anything for me and my children.

Words can be misinterpreted but inner knowing and acceptance is truth.