It all really started to shift back into place during Adhik Mass here in India it's an auspicious month that according to the lunar calender happens approx every three years,
A month that should be and completely was devoted to "self-development, evaluation, assessment, reflection, retrospection and Introspection", so that is exactly what I did. I made the commitment to get back to me, to listen to the prompts, to give up the excuses, to stop wallowing in victimhood. I took back control but at the same time surrendered; one of the many paradoxes faced on the spiritual path. Two seemingly opposite theories yet both divinely intertwined.
During Adhik Mass they say "it is a time for one's own soul and spirit to complete all pending work, detoxify the body and engage in spiritual rituals. To regain ones strength in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual terms."
About a week into the month I decided to join with of my family members who were engaging in Parikrama, it is a walk circling an area or sacred spot, in this instance the town I call home in India, 11 km that encompasses all five thousand ancient temples, It is said to purify ones world, eliminating karma and releasing one from the cycle of birth and rebirth. I've done it before but the last time was five years ago.
While walking, barefoot I may add, I thought about all of the excuses I've used since marrying my beloved and giving birth to our two children, I was growing increasingly ill, and stressed. I was still far more reactive than I wanted to be, I knew this walk was what I needed to begin empowering myself again, facing a challenge can remind you of how little the little peeves really are.
We, a number of family members including some of the children, left at 4:30am and it was still dark outside, years ago it was dirt roads, when I first started travelling to India only seven years ago it was still dirt roads but now the entire thing is concrete, The government kept one area off to the side fenced in similar to sidewalks in the west where the dust remains, unfortunately it is also a dumping ground for thousands of outsiders who descend upon our town each day, Workers have been trying to keep it clean but to no avail, so on the pavement we sauntered, my feet began to ache at about the half way point.
I seriously considered jumping on a passing rickshaw, I questioned the point of continuing, what was this really serving? My family was doing it for God. I don't believe in a God that blesses some and punishes others, if that was the case then why oh Lord why are people like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian still living large while school teachers are being poorly paid and often purchasing school supplies their own money?
I begged to know was this serving my higher self? My God self?
And then it happened, the undeniable call of a peacock, the morning sun igniting the moment.
I slowed and was in awe, could it really be?
The peacock is symbolic in almost every faith and country.
In Greek mythology Hera gave the peacock it's many eyes to see the past, present and future, the all knowing eye (truth). Chinese say that the blending of the five colours of it's feathers gives us the sweet harmony of sound. In Egypt, the peacock is associated with the Sun God Ra. In Christianity the peacock symbolises death and resurrection. And here in India he is associated with Lord Krishna, the very God whose path I was following for this walk; the ultimate enjoyer and lover of life.
I felt a presence, larger than the bird in front of me, larger than me, it's one I've known since childhood and I felt the message being offered; "you've got this, there is nothing you can not achieve if you really want it"
My spirit lifted and I felt a spring in my step. I wanted this, I wanted to prove to myself I once more that I was capable, capable of anything and everything!
About three quarters of the way through I couldn't understand how my sister in laws were still walking normally, I was hobbling. They were on day four of this walk, day four! I thought my feet had gotten tough after five years running around India but I was wrong. I began to beat myself up, what was wrong with me? All I wanted was epsom salt soak and good cry they didn't seem phased at all. I exercise and do yoga practically daily, they do nothing of the sort, how was I so much weaker?
Another peacock sang in the distance. My mind stopped and I realized the continuous patterns I was going to have to work on if I was truly going to achieve inner peace. The comparisons, the self judgement, the belief that I or my life was anything but divine. It was all going to have to end and it was going to take courage and constant attention to my thoughts to get there.
I changed my focus I realized these women in general have a strength I admire. There isn't time to waste in self pity or wallowing when as task is at hand, just get it done! I was honoured remember they are a reflection of me. My heart smiled and I noticed a woman trot by with her mala bag and I regretted the decision to not bring mine, I chose to not bring it fearing my family would think I looked to much like a "foreigner devotee" but as the peacock continued his song I reminded myself that I am a foreigner. Yes I wear the clothes, speak the language (sort of) I even have the name but I'm still a Canadian girl, One they all accepted open heartedly, one they all respect for all that I have done to be part of their culture, but never, ever did they ask me to stop being me, that I did to myself..
And my darknight of the soul began to lift...
In Love and Light Beautiful Souls ~
Follow @1balancedsoul
A month that should be and completely was devoted to "self-development, evaluation, assessment, reflection, retrospection and Introspection", so that is exactly what I did. I made the commitment to get back to me, to listen to the prompts, to give up the excuses, to stop wallowing in victimhood. I took back control but at the same time surrendered; one of the many paradoxes faced on the spiritual path. Two seemingly opposite theories yet both divinely intertwined.
During Adhik Mass they say "it is a time for one's own soul and spirit to complete all pending work, detoxify the body and engage in spiritual rituals. To regain ones strength in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual terms."
About a week into the month I decided to join with of my family members who were engaging in Parikrama, it is a walk circling an area or sacred spot, in this instance the town I call home in India, 11 km that encompasses all five thousand ancient temples, It is said to purify ones world, eliminating karma and releasing one from the cycle of birth and rebirth. I've done it before but the last time was five years ago.
While walking, barefoot I may add, I thought about all of the excuses I've used since marrying my beloved and giving birth to our two children, I was growing increasingly ill, and stressed. I was still far more reactive than I wanted to be, I knew this walk was what I needed to begin empowering myself again, facing a challenge can remind you of how little the little peeves really are.
We, a number of family members including some of the children, left at 4:30am and it was still dark outside, years ago it was dirt roads, when I first started travelling to India only seven years ago it was still dirt roads but now the entire thing is concrete, The government kept one area off to the side fenced in similar to sidewalks in the west where the dust remains, unfortunately it is also a dumping ground for thousands of outsiders who descend upon our town each day, Workers have been trying to keep it clean but to no avail, so on the pavement we sauntered, my feet began to ache at about the half way point.
I seriously considered jumping on a passing rickshaw, I questioned the point of continuing, what was this really serving? My family was doing it for God. I don't believe in a God that blesses some and punishes others, if that was the case then why oh Lord why are people like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian still living large while school teachers are being poorly paid and often purchasing school supplies their own money?
I begged to know was this serving my higher self? My God self?
And then it happened, the undeniable call of a peacock, the morning sun igniting the moment.
I slowed and was in awe, could it really be?
The peacock is symbolic in almost every faith and country.
In Greek mythology Hera gave the peacock it's many eyes to see the past, present and future, the all knowing eye (truth). Chinese say that the blending of the five colours of it's feathers gives us the sweet harmony of sound. In Egypt, the peacock is associated with the Sun God Ra. In Christianity the peacock symbolises death and resurrection. And here in India he is associated with Lord Krishna, the very God whose path I was following for this walk; the ultimate enjoyer and lover of life.
I felt a presence, larger than the bird in front of me, larger than me, it's one I've known since childhood and I felt the message being offered; "you've got this, there is nothing you can not achieve if you really want it"
My spirit lifted and I felt a spring in my step. I wanted this, I wanted to prove to myself I once more that I was capable, capable of anything and everything!
About three quarters of the way through I couldn't understand how my sister in laws were still walking normally, I was hobbling. They were on day four of this walk, day four! I thought my feet had gotten tough after five years running around India but I was wrong. I began to beat myself up, what was wrong with me? All I wanted was epsom salt soak and good cry they didn't seem phased at all. I exercise and do yoga practically daily, they do nothing of the sort, how was I so much weaker?
Another peacock sang in the distance. My mind stopped and I realized the continuous patterns I was going to have to work on if I was truly going to achieve inner peace. The comparisons, the self judgement, the belief that I or my life was anything but divine. It was all going to have to end and it was going to take courage and constant attention to my thoughts to get there.
I changed my focus I realized these women in general have a strength I admire. There isn't time to waste in self pity or wallowing when as task is at hand, just get it done! I was honoured remember they are a reflection of me. My heart smiled and I noticed a woman trot by with her mala bag and I regretted the decision to not bring mine, I chose to not bring it fearing my family would think I looked to much like a "foreigner devotee" but as the peacock continued his song I reminded myself that I am a foreigner. Yes I wear the clothes, speak the language (sort of) I even have the name but I'm still a Canadian girl, One they all accepted open heartedly, one they all respect for all that I have done to be part of their culture, but never, ever did they ask me to stop being me, that I did to myself..
And my darknight of the soul began to lift...
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| State of my dusty feet when I returned home |
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| One of four blisters |
In Love and Light Beautiful Souls ~
1 comment:
Always a path to meander in life.
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