Admittedly I felt special

I've been quiet for sometime now, in fact I've attempted to write a few times but have been sidetracked by a lack of knowing what to say but I think you've gotten used to that now.

In truth I've been contemplating a farewell blog.

I've struggled for sometime with the content and direction of this blog. I joined a number of blogger support groups but that kinda backfired, I joined for inspiration what I got instead was the realization that there are so many people writing about their relationships with Indian men, their lives here in India with far more response and even making some good coin doing so it actually left me feeling more depleted.

When I began this adventure and my zest for sharing it there were only a couple of us writing on the subject, I felt I was offering something unique. Admittedly I felt special. But after reading so many great stories that I felt often explained my life quite unfiltered and eloquently I was even more done with the whole blogging sphere. Not to mention the amount of not for me bloggers that appeared to have huge followings despite their lack of proper grammer, spelling grievances and little to no maturity or depth in writing. I seriously couldn't help but question wth?

But life (the Universe/God) has a way of keeping you aligned with your highest truth and just as I was to say goodbye and put pen to paper so to speak I received a couple of impromptu messages from new fans. One confided she stayed up half the night despite being a new Mom and in desperate need of sleep because she felt I was speaking directly to her, that I had written for her to help ease all of her fears, to console all of her woes, to lift her spirits surrounding her new found intercultural life and spiritual awakening.

So here I am once again, rekindled to share my world via this blog. I had to go back to the beginning and read some of my own story and remember why I began blogging. It was for her, for you. If just one person finds an inkling of comfort in my words (other then my beloved Grandmother) then I am serving a higher source.

Now that I'm finally able to let go of my ego's grip on why I've been blogging I'm able to find inspiration from the beautiful souls in my blogging network, because of them I'm going to be less filtered, to continue to be truthful even if it's ugly and not to worry about my numbers, I'm not doing this as a "living" or a business like many of them I'm doing this because writing for me is therapeutic. 

Mine continues to be a spiritual journey, an awakening, an aligning. And just like my blogging I fell off that path so to speak. I was less committed to me and more committed to being a Mom, I was less committed to me and more committed to being a good "Indian" housewife. I was less committed to me and more committed to being an accepted bahu (Indian daughter in law) but after a rather long intense dark night of the soul I'm ready to commit back to being me. Just me, unfiltered and imperfect. A simple Canadian girl still trying to find balance in the chaos of India, throw in the dynamics of joint family life and two toddlers that sway back and forth between terrorists and starseed I hope it continues to inspire you.

I'll keep sharing my world with you and I hope you'll stay on board for the ride. I can't promise much and I have no direction where this will go, no agenda as to what this blog will be about and no schedule for my posts. My life is filled with many roles all of which are part of my spiritual (mis)adventures the only guarantee I can make is I'll blog when I can about whatever I think you may enjoying hearing about. The same commitment I made in the beginning.

If you'd like me to talk more about my dark night of the soul experience let me know, I've been in touch with many folks on a spiritual journey who have been going through similar experiences this year, if you'd be interested in sharing your story I'd LOVE to feature it along with mine...

In light and love,
~ Radhika