What is a reason versus an excuse?

My husband asked me about my writing and I told him I hadn't been doing any, he asked me why? and I explained rather pointedly that I've been a little busy having and raising babies for the last two years! He said that was an excuse, my ego engaged and I thought for a second about punching him, I didn't of course but in my head I yelled at him and said ONLY A MAN WOULD SAY THAT! I told him no it was not an excuse it was the reason I hadn't been writing but there was something soft, whispering underneath the rage I was doing my best to keep a hold of. I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, he wasn't judging me, he wasn't trying to be mean, he had a message and then I heard what he was saying but it was coming from a different source, from somewhere inside me. What? No way! I rejected what was arising and argued more with myself than with him; "any mother can tell you how much of your time it takes to raise a child and run a home, especially with two under the age of of two! Are you nuts how am I supposed to find time to pee let alone write!" My head reeled but my heart, oh my sweet always honest heart, was beating a different note and to my amazement it was in agreement with my husband! Could it be true? I realized I'd convinced myself there was no time to do many of the things my heart was longing to do. I watched a wonderful motivational video and one line that hit me hard was "you've got to want it more than you want sleep!" I have been so concerned that if I didn't nap when the babies did I'd be tired, that if I didn't stay in bed and go back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning until they awoke I'd surely be drained for the day. All valuable time I could be dedicating to the whispers of my heart instead of the fear based assumptions about what the future would be like if I didn't take precaution i.e. get more sleep, must have sleep, more sleep needed was the mantra playing in my head but the funny part; I wasn't even feeling tired! Okay a little but I knew if I took more time to meditate, some time to exercise, laid out my yoga mat, a minute to write down the questions I was contemplating to add to my novel or blog about I would stop feeling like there was not enough time. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to start setting an alarm and waking up at four in the morning to meditate, or choose my yoga mat over a nice nap in the afternoon on those days I feel I'd benefit more from the extra sleep what it does mean is I'm making it my intention to pay better attention to what is real. What am I truly feeling in each moment, do I need the sleep or am I projecting a fear based reaction to some unforeseen future of sleep deprivation thus inducing stress which of course leads to mental exhaustion leaving me drained feeling tired and the cycle continues... Wish me luck and stay tuned, I think this time I'm truly back! My goal is to make a career out of writing, if you would like to support my efforts you can do so by clicking below and making a donation, thank you for your continued support