Are your responses conditioned?

In my last blog I talked about using my pregnancy as a gateway for evolving my consciousness and so far it’s working like a charm. This doesn’t mean I haven’t cried, or felt angry but I’ve been able to remain conscious which was my intention; to allow the emotions but not get caught up in them.

I’m deepening my connection to self and my genuine feelings and this led me to do a little research on myself. By paying closer attention to all of my responses “good” or “bad” I have begun recognizing whether or not my reaction is conditioned. I’ve been checking in to see if the response is genuine or something I’ve learned. Perhaps I respond to a situation the way my mother always has, or I like a certain object because somebody I admire once shared that they enjoyed it. I’m trying to figure out what is real for me, I must admit it’s a very interesting process!

I can remember one of my aunts telling me her daughter didn’t like tomatoes. In truth it was the mother who didn’t like them. When I fed this three year old child tomato she enjoyed them thoroughly. I recall another time when my younger sister had a friend over, we cut up fresh fruit and sat it on the table. The fruits weren’t uncommon in our home, pineapple, cantaloupe, honeydew, the little girl watched my sisters eat with enthusiasm, I asked her if she’d like some since she obviously wasn’t about to help herself. She said “no I don’t like those” I asked if she had tried them before and she admitted she hadn’t. My mother suggested she try a piece of pineapple as she herself munched on some “it’s my favorite” she added, the little girls eyes welled with tears, at the tender age of five she was already conditioned to fear anything out of the ordinary. It made me realize how blessed I was from childhood to have people around exposing me to so much. Very little restriction was placed on my sense of adventure, ranging from my palate to my desire to roam the world. I can’t recall limitations ever being set.

I still do however grapple with fear when it comes to many things in my life but once again I have realized that fear is a definite gateway. When I feel any “negative” emotion, if I search deep enough it usually finds its source in fear. Then the obvious question I ask is what am I honestly scared of? Fear only exists only in the absence of love, so when we shine the light of our love into the darkness of fear, it disappears. So they say…I’m still working on this one.

My goal is to make sure each response comes from a genuine place of spirit, from my soul, not my ego’s attachment to what it thinks it knows. I can already feel the sacred balance coming into alignment in my soul’s journey.