I really don't know what balance is now that I'm a mother

It hit me like a ton of bricks; I really don't know what balance is now that I'm a mother! I keep talking and blogging about it saying I want it, but my idea of balance has been based on other peoples opinions, other parents who offer advice on what their idea of balance is since my children arrived. It's also largely based on the type of work/life balance I had before I ever moved to India. In truth I was so shanti (peaceful) and ready to take on the world when I made the move but over these last few years I feel more like sticking my head in a hole and hiding.  The move to India although hugely transformative has left me feeling unsettled in my own skin. There have been obvious BIG changes i.e. living in a new culture, getting married, co-living with my Indian family which is the polar opposite of how things are done in North America, having two children in under two years to name a few haha. The major life changes have brought about a world of subtle changes;  my patience isn't as intact as I would like, as I mentioned in my last blog I am more reactive and not nearly as grounded as I know I'm capable of. And honestly lately I've been longing for simplicity which is what led me to leave Canada and move to India in the first place but at a loss as to how to bring it back within the new realm of the life I have now created.

The only thing I know for sure is Yoga helped in the past so I made the initiative to get on my mat more often and have managed to keep the resolution through the new year. I've also been eating healthier and drinking lots of warm water during this cold winter season. I've been experiencing some back pain and since returning to my yoga mat it has amplified. Don't misunderstand me my asana practice is not causing the pain, the pain has been present for quite awhile if I had to wager a guess I'd say since I got pregnant with my first child well over two years ago. I've been ignorant to the pain blaming it on the pregnancies, child birth itself, recovery from major surgeries (both pregnancies resulted in c-sections) but stepping back on my mat and finally coming up out of the daze of mommyhood allowing a few precious moments of attention to fall within my own body has forced me to confront myself, again. All of sudden I am acutely aware of the signals that have manifested in my physical being that I've been ignoring few over two years. Admittedly there are times I'm tempted to take an advil and duck under the covers but I know from experience these truth aches won't disappear, they will only intensify until dealt with. Instead of feeling sorry for myself which is easy to do when one is in pain I instead turn my attention to the excitement of getting back in touch with me, its like getting ready to spend time with one of my oldest and dearest friends.