…by afternoon the contractions were sporadic and I was able to return to my room again. My Goddess troop hung out trying to determine what was the best course of action, my mother noted we could go on like this for days, even weeks and it would be best for everyone to take turns staying with me, she volunteered to take the first shift eyeing up the empty bed in my room. Exhaustion had crept in so everyone left for the night, my mother crawled into the extra bed and was out like a light as I lay trying to find sleep.
The contractions became steady and more intense once again, then I felt something strange; it was a ‘clunking’ sensation in my lower pelvis, “those were weird kicks” I thought to myself touching my baby boy through my belly wondering what he was up to. At six minutes apart for about an hour I gave in and called the nurse. I was in denial but finally admitted to her the pain was the worst I had felt yet and with my mom still fast asleep I was finding it difficult to deal on my own.
The nurse called the doctor insisting I be checked immediately, the doctor discovered I was six centimeters dilated and the “clunking” I had felt was actually the baby dropping. They ordered an emergency c-section, my mom was startled awake by the news and was informed we had a half an hour at most. My son was coming and my mind reeled…I questioned the universe and prayed he knew what he was doing, tears welled in my eyes as I was wheeled past the nurses station where they had gathered smiling “Good Luck” with compassion in their eyes, I choked back the lump in my throat.
My fingers automatically began turning my mala beads, my mantra sang in my mind frantic in pace as I searched for my breath, panic threatened to consume me. I held on to the words and was grateful to whoever had hit the repeat button. Slowly I found the rhythm of my breath as we entered the birthing unit and familiar faces smiled out “you’ll be great” they comforted. I had to remind myself to remain present, my mind fought to go anywhere but the moment it was being faced with.
Everything happened quickly the injection into my spine to numb me from the waist down scared me the most but wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. The anesthesia mixed with the adrenalin made me feel wonky or maybe it was just because I was having a hard time getting grounded in the rush of energy surrounding me. My legs were strapped to the bed and my arms outstretched in a t shape. I had an image of Jesus on the cross, I asked the ascended master, in fact I called on all ascended masters to be present and felt a warmth brush over me.
“We’re about to begin” the doctor peeked over the curtain. I could feel all of the sensation that accompanied the surgery minus the pain, it was odd to say the least. My body shook uncontrollably as energy coursed through me. It seemed to take forever and only seconds all at once, the doctor asked for a stool, called for a second incision, then I heard the words no one wants to hear during surgery “oh shit!” escaped her mouth. I lost my breath, my world threatened to crash around me, I was sure he was gone I couldn’t feel my baby’s presence inside me anymore. I was terrified and looked to my mother, she knew what I was thinking and quickly said “It’s okay” rubbing my hand that held hers tightly, I shook my head no “he’s gone” I whispered. There was a hint of fear in her eyes but it was concealed with strength, enough for both of us and an unconditional love that only a mother knows. I flashed to my childhood from the day I was born I found comfort in those deep brown eyes. I prayed I could offer my son the same comfort. The doctor was up on the bed with me, I could feel her pulling, tugging and panting as she fought to get him out.
“There he is” my mom squealed, I held her hand in a death grip “Is he alive?” I asked, he was given to the neonatal intensive care team that had assembled. “Yes” my mother said to me but there was uncertainty in her voice as she stared in his direction waiting for someone else to assure us. “Oh his little hand just shot up” she smiled relieved, a lightness overtook the entire room and a tear fell down my cheek.
It turns out my placenta had separated which meant the doctor had less than a minute to get him out, on top of that his little bum was wedged in my pelvis and wouldn’t budge which is what prompted the “oh shit” and although in her words it was the hardest c-section of her career there was magic in the room and now my little boy was snug in his incubator in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, my angel baby arrived ready to face the world and this earth mama couldn’t wait to meet him.
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