We’ve been home in India for nearly three weeks and I’ve already changed as a mother, I’m more relaxed, I have to be, or I’ll make myself crazy. As the mother of a preemie germs were ingrained as the enemy but let’s face it I live in India and germs are a part of everyday life. I do what I can to keep him safe but the truth is it’s not up to me if something is going to get him. They say we all have cancer inside of us but it only become active in some, why is this? I’ve had to kind of adopt this mentality, I mean I don’t let him drink tap water or pick up a soother from the floor and put it back in his mouth, I still sterilize his items but when my three year old niece coughs then proceeds to put her hand on my sons face my mind wants to panic but I can’t, kids here aren’t taught about the exchange of bacteria and she doesn’t know English yet so I can’t stop her I just have to succumb. He did develop his first cold and we survived it, I think the two days were harder on me then him. He laughed and cooed per norm, he was off a little, cried more often and his little nose was packed but I did what I could; reiki continuously and held him when he needed it, he’s recovered now and stronger for it.
I’ve also noticed Indians are lot louder with babies, often raising their voice louder than the crying babies in an effort to sooth them, it does work usually but I’m still more of the gentle whisper of a sing and soft rocking style mom. I’ve given my little guy massages since he was born, this is something that is practiced normally here in India but their massage style is much more aggressive, at first was apprehensive but interestingly my son seems to enjoy it more than my normal massage technique and in my opinion Indians, especially the kids are a sturdy bunch of people so I guess there is something to be said for it.
One of the practices we have is applying Kajal on babies; basically it’s lining their eyes with what looks like black eyeliner but is an herbal concoction. It is believed to protect the child from something called bad eyes. While they’re really little we also put a black dot above their left eye, this is a practice I’ve done with him since birth. I was excited to see him with black around his eyes and I wasn’t disappointed, his beauty actually brought tears to my eyes. Some examples of bad eyes are when someone looks at your child and has bad thoughts, that’s the obvious one but also if someone thinks your child is more attractive than theirs, or if they wanted a child and could never have one they may feel some jealousy, all of these energies are depleting to the child. Many cultures have a ritual for bad eyes in fact one of the nurses at the IWK who was originally from the middle east shared hers with me, she also informed me bad eyes can even be given by a mother unintentionally.
We had our first experience on the motorcycle and at first he panicked. I had him wrapped against my body in his cuddly wrap but once the wind hit him he contorted his body and put his face against the blowing air gasping for breath. We had to pull over, we drove slowly and I did my best to keep him settled and sheltered, my heart ached for his fear as his body remained tensed against me. We reached our destination and he was asleep within minutes, recovering I suppose. He woke as we were leaving and this time on the bike he stayed snuggled down, completely relaxed, breathing quite easily, he is a quick adapter, my heart smiled.
What else is new… Oh my son is addicted to television, I swore I’d never be one of “those” mothers but who am I to judge you gotta do what you gotta do. I allow him an hour or so each day, we have great cartoons here where the heroes are actually Gods from the Hindu faith so it’s educational. I’ve caught my husband holding him and the two of them watching some action movie, this I’m not crazy about but my mother gave me the best advice when my husband first joined us in Canada and I was having a hard time not being in control of our son, she told me to let him do it his way. It may not be what I want or the way I’d do it but he’s his father and he too knows what’s best. So instead of getting upset with my hubby I simply make an excuse to distract our son with something I deem more appropriate.
We’ve also started potty training. I know my son is only five months old but in Indian culture I’m actually a little behind. You hold the baby over a toilet or pot or just outside and make noise “shhhhhhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” like water running and eventually they get the hint that this is time to pee. I’m assured with time he will begin crying to urinate. We have him on somewhat of a “pooping” schedule, he takes our cues and most days we are successful but of course there will be accidents and a diaper is still needed for overnight but most babes in India don’t need a diaper by the age of one. Pretty impressive considering I have friends with three year olds who are still pooping their pants…
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