a vision board is a wonderful accessory for the daydreamer

My Happiness Project is in full swing, I engaged in a soft start in January. Like most people I thought about my resolutions for the new year but instead of resolutions I decided to make a list of goals; which ultimately is just a different way of wording the same ideals but one that seems less daunting to me considering I've yet to keep my resolutions past the month of January in my entire life.

I've decided to break my goals down into short manageable steps for each month to coincide with my happiness project. Like I said before it's not that I'm "unhappy" I just know there is potential for even more happiness and joy in my life! I started with a vision board, have you ever done one? The last time I did one pretty much everything came true from living in India to leading retreats, I even manifested a dream trip to Scotland for myself and the ladies in my family. Its easy enough to create you simply gather pictures, images, quotes...anything that resonates with you and glue it all together as a collage. Then spend a few minutes each day looking at it, essentially day dreaming.

I included a scenery shot from the cottage I'd like to own, a yoga posture I dream of getting into, pictures of decor I think would suit our guesthouse in India quite nicely, places I'd like to travel, quotes that stir my soul and more. If you haven't done a vision board yet I highly recommend it, if you have questions please message me. I'd really love it if you shared a pic of the finished piece to help inspire!

Now my mantra for February: There is nothing but Love.

I really don't know what balance is now that I'm a mother

It hit me like a ton of bricks; I really don't know what balance is now that I'm a mother! I keep talking and blogging about it saying I want it, but my idea of balance has been based on other peoples opinions, other parents who offer advice on what their idea of balance is since my children arrived. It's also largely based on the type of work/life balance I had before I ever moved to India. In truth I was so shanti (peaceful) and ready to take on the world when I made the move but over these last few years I feel more like sticking my head in a hole and hiding.  The move to India although hugely transformative has left me feeling unsettled in my own skin. There have been obvious BIG changes i.e. living in a new culture, getting married, co-living with my Indian family which is the polar opposite of how things are done in North America, having two children in under two years to name a few haha. The major life changes have brought about a world of subtle changes;  my patience isn't as intact as I would like, as I mentioned in my last blog I am more reactive and not nearly as grounded as I know I'm capable of. And honestly lately I've been longing for simplicity which is what led me to leave Canada and move to India in the first place but at a loss as to how to bring it back within the new realm of the life I have now created.

The only thing I know for sure is Yoga helped in the past so I made the initiative to get on my mat more often and have managed to keep the resolution through the new year. I've also been eating healthier and drinking lots of warm water during this cold winter season. I've been experiencing some back pain and since returning to my yoga mat it has amplified. Don't misunderstand me my asana practice is not causing the pain, the pain has been present for quite awhile if I had to wager a guess I'd say since I got pregnant with my first child well over two years ago. I've been ignorant to the pain blaming it on the pregnancies, child birth itself, recovery from major surgeries (both pregnancies resulted in c-sections) but stepping back on my mat and finally coming up out of the daze of mommyhood allowing a few precious moments of attention to fall within my own body has forced me to confront myself, again. All of sudden I am acutely aware of the signals that have manifested in my physical being that I've been ignoring few over two years. Admittedly there are times I'm tempted to take an advil and duck under the covers but I know from experience these truth aches won't disappear, they will only intensify until dealt with. Instead of feeling sorry for myself which is easy to do when one is in pain I instead turn my attention to the excitement of getting back in touch with me, its like getting ready to spend time with one of my oldest and dearest friends.

Bringing the silent witness into everyday life

I've spent way too much time trying to figure out why I'm not as easy going as I thought I was/want to be? Why my flexibility on my mat is so limited? To no avail. I recognize there can sometimes be this wall of resistance that rears up when I'm met with a simple obstacle. When it comes to major events it doesn't phase me, when something goes array I'm the first to flow with it understanding that everything happens for a reason.Yet a slight obstacle I mean something that truly should be viewed as minuscule in daily life can create agitation, I have no idea why I become reactive I just do and consciousness flies out the window leaving me with harsh judgments, nasty internal dialogue and a less then patient manner. Not the person I want to be, nor the role model I want to set for my children. I could use being tired as an excuse I mean two children in just over two years is a lot on the body mind and soul but then I'd just be reverting and we've already decided no more excuses!

So I've given up trying to "figure out why" and decided instead to change it! How you may ask? Just recognizing it, catching my breath and feeling it without giving into it. I can't necessarily make the emotions disappear but I can choose to not react. It is talked about a lot in Yoga to allow the sensations their space and be the silent witness, so now it's time for me to put this into action in everyday life.

I find the more I attempt to find balance and go deeper into presence the more out of balance and disconnected I feel at times, or maybe its just recognizing how much work needs to be done because each time you peel back a layer there is another revealing itself, it is a fascinating albeit daunting task. It is not for the weak hearted, or those to scare easy its for us warriors who will let nothing stand between us and the peace we know we deserve, no actually better said is the peace we know we ARE.

I just finished reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin and I've decided to embark on my own happiness project starting the beginning of next month and like her, not because I am unhappy in my life but because I know I am capable of even more happiness! I'm super excited and hope you'll join in and see where it goes and maybe even pull a little inspiration to bring more joy into your world.

Blessings of love and light find you...