I’ve been in Canada for two weeks and as much as I’ve enjoyed my time I’ve been dealing with some intense pain. I believe it was triggered by the long flight from India and perhaps aggravated by the baby getting his/her feet under my ribs. I’m fortunate to have wonderful healers in my life who’ve provided me with massage, adjustments and healing energy. As I lay on the massage table receiving my second treatment it dawned on me that perhaps God was helping to prepare me for giving birth.
This pain I’m working through is the worst I’ve felt in my life and now I’m seeing it as a gift for deepening my threshold. I understand labor is going to be something I can’t even begin to comprehend until I experience it and learning to breathe through this ‘minor’ pain has been a test. I’ve been overwhelmed and even terrified at moments wondering how I’m going to be able handle something more intense than this but when panic lingered at the edge of my consciousness trying to find entry I remembered my mantra and begin reciting it. By focusing my mind on Bhakti (devotion/unconditional love) my breath became steady and a sense of peace entered my heart, a tool I will surely use in the delivery room.
In another massage as trigger points were worked I felt my body fight to shut down in attempts to hide from the pain. During labor I’ve been told shutting down is the mistake many new moms make, it has potential to prolong the process; the key is opening in spite of the pain. I took a deep breath and let the pain have its moment, within seconds my body relaxed.
I wish I could tell you all that I’ve been pain free since these experiences but that’s not the case. I know there’s a lesson but I’m frustrated, as a holistic healer myself I’m supposed to have the answers and I can’t seem to get into the truth of what’s going to relive me. I’ve opened myself up to the universe asking for divine guidance and followed the prompts but still the pain lingers.
That being said as I write this I hear the whisper of my inner voice saying “slow down”. The two weeks since I’ve arrived have been a whirlwind. I haven’t spent any time time writing, using the pain as an excuse to avoid my computer. I haven’t been on my yoga mat and meditated only three or four times. I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in a cycle of just trying to pass time with distractions, using the pain as an excuse. The truth is I miss my partner and India more than I’ve admitted to myself. I’ve been scared to feel it because I didn’t want to take away from my Canadian experience. I thought I was cultivating presence but really I’ve just tapped into another form of distraction; pain as an excuse to avoid my truth….
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