Yesterday marked a turning point for me. It seems I've been drawing light into the darkest recesses of my being which is the point of this challenge but its hard to face the dark and my ego desperately wants to engage with those around me.
I was feeling depleted and weakened by the events around me which I don't really want to get into because they do not have a real baring on what my journey is, just know that I felt like I have been under constant verbal attack, like somehow I was not enough, I felt beaten down at times and questioned how much more I could withstand. Even with the knowledge that is was my own lack of self worth being directed at me I still couldn't stop my mind from dwelling in victim mode, I wondered how much longer I could tolerate this emotional roller coaster I seemed to be riding and then like magic this little gem showed up
This simple yet profound statement is everything I have been eluding to, everything I have understood intellectually but somehow didn't comprehend. Over the years I have been able to cultivate this when dealing with acquaintances but for the very first time it resonated as my core truth when dealing with loved ones.
I was able to look at the perceived tormentor, my beloved and see with compassion that it was not my insecurities but perhaps his own. I was able to listen without allowing the words to settle in my skin, they did not weigh down my heart and only entered one ear and quickly exited the other. In that moment I understood that everything I have been praying for is right in front of me. One cannot find inner peace without dealing with all of their *hit first.
There is absolutely no anger, no resentment and certainly no belief that anyone else's words hold my truth. The recognition that the teacher, mentor I've been searching for is all around me. Living in a Holy Town in India I often get asked who my Guru is and my response is always the same; "God is my guru, my husband is my guru, my children are my gurus, the beautiful masters the divine leads me to are my gurus, the sweet souls I encounter are my gurus, everything is my Guru." Finally, finally they are not just words. From the deepest part of me, from my core I can feel myself surrendering to life...my Guru.
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